Childish Fears
by Oakenshield
Summary: Bonds are formed between the young Estel and his foster brothers. NOW COMPLETED! Some chapters in this series contain mild reference to incest between Elladan and Elrohir, so if this bothers you, just skip past.
1. Part 1

**PART ONE**

"What can I hear?" Elladan raised a hand against the silence of the darkness. "Shh. Listen."

Elrohir frowned. "I cannot hear anything," he replied.

"I know," Elladan lay back with a wide smile. "This is called 'peace', Elrohir! I had almost forgotten how lovely it sounded!"

Elrohir gave a soft laugh. Only that afternoon he had rescued Elladan from the endless questions of their young foster brother, fascinated by their elvishness, and their likeness, wanting to know all the wheres and whys and hows of the world. He was far too inquisitive, Elladan said, and far too talkative. He wasn't overly fond of children at the best of times, but when they were as nosy as Estel, he found them quite unbearable. Elrohir however found the boy charming and had taken to him immediately.

"It is nice to have some time to ourselves though," he admitted.

"And what do you propose we do with this time?" Elladan gave a slow smile. "For the short time it will last," he added.

"Well…" Elrohir rolled onto his front and propped himself on his elbows.

Elladan nodded towards the door with a barely held back groan of annoyance.

Elrohir rolled back and looked to the door, as it pushed open a fraction more and a small head appeared around it, dark hair tousled by sleep and steely eyes wide.

"Hello Estel," he said, sitting up. "What are you doing out of bed?"

The child made no answer, merely blinking at him.

"Come in." Elrohir held his hand out, as Estel squeezed around the open gap of the door and walked slowly to the edge of the bed. Elrohir could see his cheeks were stained with tears. "What is the matter? Did you have a bad dream?"

He nodded, sniffling. "Yes."

Aiming a kick at Elladan's shin as he sighed, Elrohir reached down and lifted Estel into his arms. "It was only a dream, its nothing to be scared about." He kissed his forehead. "What were you dreaming of?"

The boy gasped on his sobs for a few seconds. "It was…a…a big eye," he whispered. "It was looking for me, but he couldn't see me, he was too far away."

Elladan froze, exchanging a worried look with his twin. "Should I fetch father?"

Elrohir shook his head, in two minds whether to or not. He decided it would not pay to make more fuss and distress Estel further. They would tell Elrond in the morning. The eye - if it was The Eye - had not seen him. He was still safe. "Did he say anything to you Estel?" He cuddled the toddler close, stroking his hair.

He shook his head. "I couldn't understand it. But he was angry. You won't let him get me will you?" He clung to Elrohir's collar, glancing between both twins.

"No, of course I won't," Elrohir assured him. "He will have to fight past Elladan and I first." He lay down and cradled Estel against his side between himself and Elladan. The child immediately turned and resumed his death grip around his neck, curling a strand of long hair around his fingers.

"You smell like horses," he said softly, fighting back a yawn. "I can smell hay in your hair."

Elrohir smiled. "I'll teach you how to ride when you're bigger."

"And teach me Elfish?"

Elrohir nodded. "Though I daresay you will learn enough by yourself before long."

"Oh good! And - "

Elladan reached over and placed his hand gently over Estel's mouth "Oh goodness, Estel! It is late," he said. "Go back to sleep now."

Estel tried to fight another yawn, but failed. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve and laid his head on Elrohir's shoulder. "Night." His eyes closed as his thumb slid into his mouth.

Elrohir kissed the top of his head. "Goodnight, my little one."

"Poor little pup," Elladan's face softened and he reached out the caress the child's hair. "I think he is rather fixed on you, Elrohir. You will have some trouble shaking him off."

Elrohir smiled at the gentle change in Elladan's eyes. "I don't mind," he said. "It's rather nice to have a little brother to take care of."

Estel raised his head with a frown painting his young face. "I am your brother! But I am not an Elf!"

Elrohir stroked the furrow out of the small brow with his thumb. "No, you are not, though..." He was about to say he was part Elf, if it only was a very small part, but he bit his tongue remembering his father's warning that they were not to reveal the smallest part of Estel's ancestry, however young he may be. "Though when you are older, Elladan and I will teach you to be an Elf, like us," he recovered himself.

The boy grinned. "Oh yes, I would like that!"

"We will teach you so well I am sure you will put us to shame when you are grown, won't he Elladan?"

But Elladan had rolled over and turned his back, pulling the sheet over his head.

"We'd best sleep now," Elrohir whispered, "or Elladan will get grumpy."


	2. Part 2

**PART TWO**

They had decided not to mention the nightmare again. Estel seemed to have all but forgotten about it come morning, and they thought it wise not to put the idea back in his head, but all eyes were turned to him and his welfare in the days to come.

Weeks passed, and Elladan grew increasingly annoyed at the child. He seemed to be dominating everyone's attention - namely Elrohir's. And he kept trying to get him to like him. In fact, he seemed innocently oblivious to the fact that he didn't like him. And what was worse, he was actually starting to like him. He couldn't help himself, the boy was so charming. He seemed to have a way of getting everyone who came to know him to love him within seconds. But he was still irritating.

Standing outside Estel's bedroom door waiting for Elrohir, Elladan looked out at the sky. They were going out on an orc hunt with the Dunedain, travelling at dusk hoping to catch the vile animals off guard as they left their mountain hideouts. They were coming down from their holes at night, capturing and murdering travellers. It was about time they were reduced in number again, like the vermin that they were.

Once again, Estel was getting in the way. For every second wasted, another of those fiends took another breath.

"I don't want you to go!" Estel was clinging to Elrohir's neck. "I don't want you to get hurt. Please don't go, Elrohir! Please!"

Elladan had to admit, it touched him as much as it grieved him to see how Elrohir was captivated with the boy, and how he had taken him into his care. Estel seemed to look upon his brother as some sort of a God, following him around in constant awe. His father seemed happy the boy had a mentor, Gilraen was happy her son was learning to be happy again, but Elladan wanted his brother back to himself. Perhaps he was being immature, but it had always been just he and Elrohir. As well as Arwen, but she was blood. And so was Estel, distantly, he reminded himself.

"Who in the name of goodness let him know where you were going?" Elrond asked at his side. "His father has been dead at the hands of these creatures but two months, and now he knows the person he has grown closest to is going out to face them."

Elladan focused his eyes on the floor, scuffing the tiles with his toe. "We must leave soon or they will go without us."

"I'll come back, I promise," Elrohir said, trying to release the child's arms from around his neck. "Please, Estel, let me go. I have to leave now."

"Why do you have to go?" Estel pouted defiantly, sticking out a stubborn little chin.

Elrohir shifted him on his lap and tipped his chin to look at him. "These monsters that killed your father," he said softly, "they took my mother from me." He glanced up at Elladan over the boy's head.

Elladan briefly closed his eyes on the memory of their mother lying bloodied and broken in the foul goblin den, beaten and bruised by whip and claw, her gown torn by evil fingers, golden hair tangled and matted with sweat and blood, bright eyes dimmed to the pain and degradation. He could never shut it out, even after all these years. It still ate away at him. It still hurt him. It still brought tears to his eyes, even if he wouldn't let them fall.

Estel gasped. "Is she dead?"

"No, she went away. They hurt her very badly." Elladan heard his brother's voice quaver. He saw his father lower his head as his lips tightened. Did they not understand that it hurt him just as much, even though he did not show it.

"This is our way of paying them back," Elrohir continued. "I could not just let them get away with it. Do you understand, Estel?"

He nodded. "I wish I could help."

"You will when you are older." Elrohir kissed his cheek. "Let me go now. Two days, that is all, and I will be home."

Elrond walked the short distance to the bed and lifted Estel from his son's lap. "Come with me, Estel," he said, placing a hand on Elrohir's shoulder. "I will teach you some songs, would you like that?"

Estel nodded, still gazing at Elrohir over his shoulder as he was carried down the corridor.

"He never used to do that with us," Elladan said a little bitterly. "That was always mother's job."

Elrohir nodded. "And may she ever rest," he whispered reverently. "Come, Elladan. We are late already."


	3. Part 3

The entourage trailed back into Rivendell, weary and dirty and not without injury.  
  
"The orcs still came off worse," Elrohir said to the tense back of his brother, who walked ahead of him. "We did not do too badly." He had been trying to make light conversation for hours but to no avail. "Do not brood in silence, brother dear. What troubles you?"  
  
"We did not do as well as I would have liked." Elladan spoke for the first time since they started the journey home.  
  
"Even one dead orc is one less," Elrohir laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Are you coming inside?"  
  
Elladan shook his head and shrugged out of the grip. Normally he wanted the contact of his twin but it did nothing to comfort at the moment. "In a while."  
  
Elrohir looked at him with concern but knew well enough not to trouble him further. "Well, don't be long." He gave a cry as a small figure collided against his legs. "Hello there, Estel! I told you I'd be back, didn't I?" He lifted the boy into his arms and spun him around.  
  
Estel hugged him. Elladan didn't know how he could bear to. Elrohir was filthy with their foul blood but he didn't pay heed to it. Then again, children weren't bothered by such things. They didn't fear them because they didn't understand them. Sometimes he wished he still had that innocence.  
  
Leaving his twin, he picked his way along an almost forgotten path, only marked by slightly flattened grass, into the trees. He sat down with his back against the rough bark of the oak tree planted by Celebrian. This had been her quiet spot where she would come to escape from things, and now he used it for the same reason. And he felt close to her beneath the boughs. He needed a moment alone to reflect on how badly he had done. Elrohir was always pleased, however small the triumph, but he knew they should have done better. Or rather *he* should have done better. Three had escaped him as memories had frozen him. He remembered each snarling face, each repulsive mouth, every tooth, every claw, and wondered if they were of the spawn that violated his mother. He remembered every shriek and roar of outrage and pain as each beast fell to his hand. But it was never enough. Never enough to take away the memories, the pain, the feeling that he had failed.  
  
"I am sorry, mother," he whispered to the wind. "I let you down again today."  
  
He angrily wiped a tear with the back of his hand. The time for crying was long gone. He told himself that he should not be grieving; though he longed to. He recalled the time he had witnessed Elrohir break down in tears upon the shoulder of Arathorn. He envied him for being able to. He envied him for being able to find arms to cry in. Celebrian had always been the comforter, and always more to Elrohir than to him. He could never remember his father's arms being open, except recently to Estel. "Because he's so damn important," he muttered to no one, surprised at the bitterness in his own voice.  
  
"Elladan?" he heard a soft voice beside him and he jumped.  
  
"Leave me alone Estel," he said quietly, closing his eyes. He was certain he would not be able to keep his temper with the boy.  
  
A small hand touched his cheek. "You're crying."  
  
"I'm not." He blinked back the tears. He would rather die of his grief than let a child see him crying. "Go away."  
  
Estel turned to leave then looked back. "Why are you sad?"  
  
Elladan looked up. "I beg your pardon?" He wondered if Elrohir had sent the child after him.  
  
"You look sad," Estel repeated. "Why?"  
  
Elladan stared at the boy. He thought he hid his feelings so well, even from his own father and twin, yet a two year old had seen them as clear as crystal.  
  
"I miss my mother," he admitted, unable to hold it in any longer. He rose to his feet, only just stopping himself punching the tree trunk. "And nobody cares how much I hurt. Father hurts, Elrohir hurts - and he is allowed to because he was her favourite. Yet I am not allowed to, just because I don't voice my pain as loudly as they do! But I can't! I just ...*can't*! I…" He dropped to his knees again, extending a hand towards the worried looking child but unsure what to do with it. "Oh, forgive me Estel, I should not be carrying on at you."  
  
"I care," Estel took a step forward and looped his arms around his neck.  
  
Elladan tried to pull out of the hug but Estel wouldn't let him.  
  
"Don't cry." Small hands wiped away tears he barely realised were there.  
  
Was it possible to still try and hate him now? "Oh bless you, Estel." Elladan laughed through his tears, hugging the tiny body close to his chest. "You really are a marvel."  
  
The little face beamed. "You said I was annoying."  
  
"Oh but you are." Elladan pulled back and ruffled his hair. "But you are a marvellous annoyance nonetheless."  
  
Estel frowned, tossing his head back to flick his hair out of his eyes. "What?"  
  
"Never mind." Elladan turned on his toes and crouched in front of him. "Here, get on my back, lets go inside."  
  
"No!" Estel protested, tugging his hair sharply enough for it to hurt. "Run round the gardens!"  
  
"Yes, you are annoying. Very annoying." Elladan feigned a sigh though he couldn't help but smile. "I will later but now I need a bath." He looked down at the orc blood spattered across his tunic and shuddered. "Now hold on tight, I'm going to gallop faster than any Elven horse ever has before!" With a squealing child on his back, he sprinted lightly into the chambers, unaware of his father and brother watching fondly from the balcony. 


	4. Part 4

********************* Author's note: Although I intended this series to be ended at Part 3, the demand for more has been so high that I have decided to extend it, and run it into another series I had planned about Aragorn when he is 20. It also now links in with some of the events in my Elladan /Elrohir series "A Bond of Brothers". **********************  
  
PART FOUR  
  
The cool night air made Elrond shiver as it wound around his body, creeping beneath his light robes. An indiscernible sound had awoken him but a few minutes ago, and he had ventured from his bedchamber down the moonlit corridor to investigate. A soft whimpering noise, he decided as he drew closer to it. Sobbing. It was the sound of someone crying. Estel. Another nightmare.  
  
Reaching the child's door he looked in to find Elladan on his hands and knees, halfway under the bed trying to coax Estel from beneath it. It had been many centuries since he had dealt with the nightmares of his own children and for a moment, he could only think to stand in the threshold and wonder what to do. And it pleased him to see Elladan caring for the child, finally showing some signs of bonding with him. Elrohir's suggestion of sending Estel after his brother when he had been upset looked like it was paying off.  
  
"Estel, dear, come out from there," Elladan coaxed softly, with the slightest tone of impatience lacing his voice.  
  
Although he had grown fonder of the boy, he still hadn't got as much love or tolerance for him as his brother had. Nor did Elrond think he would ever have. Elladan just wasn't the child-loving type. His patience with books and manuscripts was immeasurable, even to his father's standards, but an hour around a child would nearly have him losing his mind. Elrond found it rather amusing.  
  
Coughing quietly to announce his presence he stepped into the room. "Are you all right down there, Elladan?"  
  
Ducking out from under the bed, and only just containing a curse as he clipped his head against the hard wood, Elladan looked up at his father and shrugged.  
  
"Another nightmare?" Elrond crouched and peered under the bed. "Estel, come here."  
  
"No!" A defiant voice called back.  
  
"Estel, there's nothing to be frightened of. There's nothing here. Only Elladan and I."  
  
"I'm not coming out!"  
  
Elladan straightened up and perched on the edge of the bed. "Do you think he was dreaming of the Eye again?"  
  
"Hush!" Elrond scolded a little harder than he intended. "Don't put ideas in his head." He took the candlestick off the table and held it under the bed to see Estel curled up tightly in a blanket, as far under the bed as he could get. Wide steely eyes fearfully met his. "Estel."  
  
"I'm not coming out!" he shuffled further back.  
  
Elrond extended a hand to him, and after a moment's hesitation the boy gripped it tightly. "Estel, will you come out - "  
  
"No!"  
  
"Will you come out if I take you back to my room? You can stay with me." Elrond became aware of Elladan's tension beside him and anticipated the words that were about to be thrown at him.  
  
"I thought you didn't agree with that," Elladan said quietly. "You said it made children weak and unreasonably afraid of imaginary things. Or is it different with Estel?"  
  
Elrond almost flinched at the accusation in his son's voice. "Elladan, you know how it is different."  
  
"But of course." The words were nearly spat, dripping cold.  
  
Before Elrond could react, Estel had crawled from his hidey-hole and into his lap.  
  
"Where's Elrohir?" Estel looked up at Elladan, wiping tears on the sleeve of his nightshirt.  
  
Elrond stood and lifted the child into his arms. "Elladan, will you fetch your brother please?"  
  
With barely a nod, Elladan stalked out of the room with a stiff back and a set jaw.  
  
Elrond sighed to himself. At 2798 years old, he thought it was about time Elladan stopped being so petty. At times, he thought he acted more like a two-year-old than Estel, forever wanting everything his own way and demanding attention. Elrond thought he was getting over his silly jealousy of Estel but evidently he wasn't, and he couldn't help but feel disappointed. Holding Estel close against his chest, he made his way back to his bedchambers.  
  
"Will you sing me some songs again?" the boy whispered at his ear.  
  
"Of course I will," the elf lord replied, sitting the child on the bed. "Get under the covers." He got in the other side of the bed and cuddled Estel against his shoulder. "Do you want to tell me what you were dreaming of?"  
  
Barely holding in a sob, Estel groped for his hand and buried his face into his chest. "I don't know what it was."  
  
"Was it the same dream you usually have?" Only once had Estel remembered what he had dreamt about enough to put it into words. A big eye looking for him. It worried Elrond, though he forced himself not to panic for the sake of Estel. He was not certain that the boy was in any danger.  
  
"I think so." Estel sniffed. "Where is Elrohir?"  
  
"He will be here soon." Elrond dabbed his tear-stained cheeks with a handkerchief.  
  
"I miss my father," Estel whispered, only just audible.  
  
Elrond kissed the top of his head, unable to think of anything else to comfort him. What could he say? There was nothing he could say.  
  
"Are you my father now?" Estel regarded him with big wet eyes.  
  
"No, Estel, I am not your father," Elrond said, "but I can try and be a good replacement. You are as much a part of my family as Elladan or Elrohir. And I am certain you will grow to be as much of a son to me as them." He followed Estel's gaze to the door, hoping for Elrohir to appear soon. No one had such a way with Estel as he did. It was unlike him not to be there immediately. Perhaps Elladan had found some way of holding him up. Elrond barely held back a shudder. Even though he had no other choice but to allow it, his sons' relationship still sickened him to the pit of his stomach whenever he thought of it. Though at least now Estel was around, they were forced to be especially discreet. Goodness knows what sort of influence they could bestow on him otherwise.  
  
"Elrond?"  
  
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Elrond looked down at him. "Yes, Estel, sorry. I was going to sing to you, wasn't I?" Searching his memory for a song, a tune came to him. The words were not appropriate for such a young child, especially one who had suffered a nightmare, but the slow melody was a beautifully haunting one, though it always pained his heart to hear it. It had been many many years since he had sung it himself but he could still remember every note.  
  
Before the closing verse, he felt Estel fall limp in his arms as sleep reclaimed him. Placing a kiss against his temple, he laid the child against the pillows and tucked the eiderdown around him.  
  
Again, he wondered at Elrohir's lack of appearance. The wonder didn't last long, as a harsh cry echoed down the corridor. It was a cry of passion, any ear could have recognised that. One of his sons, he was not sure which, but the cry had most certainly been caused by the other. An involuntary shiver ran through his bones as he slipped quietly from the bed, glancing back at the sleeping form of Estel as he left the room and made his way down the corridor once again. Reaching Elladan's room, he tapped against the door.  
  
"Just a moment!" an anxious voice called from inside. The rustle of clothing and bedcovers followed the sound of hushed voices before the door was opened by Elrohir, flushed in the face.  
  
Elrond walked into the room and closed the door behind him, turning to face Elladan sitting in the bed. "I can hear you in my room!"  
  
Elrohir at least had the humility to blush and lower his eyes to the floor.  
  
"And we could hear you singing," Elladan retorted. "The Lay of Gil-galad, wasn't it? Such an appropriate song to come from your lips, Father." The slightest twist of his mouth and the slightest raising of an eyebrow was the only animation on his face.  
  
"Elladan!" Elrohir hissed, shooting a harsh look at his brother.  
  
Elrond bit his tongue. Elladan would never let him forget his affair with the Elven king. Never let him forget his hypocrisy.  
  
"If I can hear you, everyone else can hear you," he diverted the subject.  
  
Elladan shrugged. "Let them hear! Everyone knows anyway."  
  
"Estel does not."  
  
Elladan waved a hand to dismiss the comment. "He is just a child! He doesn't know what it all means."  
  
"I made my feelings clear about this many months ago," Elrond reminded his eldest son with barely restrained patience. "Estel is not to know of your.." His mouth went dry as the words stuck on his tongue.  
  
"Incest?" Elladan held eye contact with him. "Come, Father, I have never known you to call a spade anything but a spade."  
  
"Elladan, shut up." Elrohir dropped tensely into the chair below the window.  
  
Elrond refused to rise to the provocation and turned his attention to his younger son. "Elrohir, why did you not come as requested?"  
  
A frown creased Elrohir's brow. "What?"  
  
"Estel asked for you because he had a nightmare. But I can see you were obviously otherwise engaged." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Elladan lower his head.  
  
"I didn't know!" Elrohir rose from the chair as his eyes darted from his twin to Elrond. "Father, I am sorry."  
  
Seeing what had happened, Elrond placed a hand on Elrohir's shoulder. "It is all right, Elrohir. Elladan, why did you not convey my message?"  
  
Elladan was held in a hard stare by both his father and his brother and he shrugged.  
  
A look of hurt and anger crossed Elrohir's face. "That is so childish, Elladan! Where is Estel now?"  
  
"He is asleep," Elrond told him, "in my room."  
  
"Yes, Father is taking him to his bed after nightmares," Elladan spat. "He is teaching him to be afraid of imaginary monsters. Is that not what you used to say to Mother of us?"  
  
Elrond could not deny it.  
  
"Though we hardly grew to be the sons you would have chosen, did we?"  
  
"Elladan -" Elrohir tried to hush him.  
  
"No! I am going to have my say!" Elladan got out of bed and walked to face his father. "Estel is the second chance son, isn't he? Estel has no brother he can fall in love with. Estel is being trained to be the all-loving, all- doting son, who will do everything for you that we never could."  
  
Elrond stared at his son, speechless for a moment. "Elladan, is that truly how you feel?" And he had put it down to some petty jealousy. It was clear he had underestimated his son's feelings. "For if it is you are wrong. I love you and Elrohir very much, despite all the ways in which you have wronged me. Do you think if I did not love you then you would still here in Imladris and still be my heirs?"  
  
"That is only because mother would not let you disown us." Elladan bit back what could have been tears; though Elrond knew he would never be allowed to see if that was the case.  
  
Elrond bit back tears himself. He knew he had treated his sons unfairly in the past, and he felt like Elladan would never forgive him for it. "No, Elladan, it is because I was made to see how much I had to lose. And, as you so often feel the need to remind me, I am far from innocent myself. I have to look after Estel, I do not need to say why, but you and your brother are my blood. Much more than he is." He could hardly bear to look at Elladan, to see the cold glare in his eyes. A way he hadn't looked at him in centuries.  
  
Elladan scowled, undoubtedly rejecting the truth of every word. "You will love him as a son, you will bring him up as our brother, but mark my words, Father, he will fail you, and in far worse ways than Elrohir and I have. Grandmother demands Arwen's presence in Lothlorien as soon as Estel arrives here, and advises us not to mention her to him. I don't know what she has foreseen, and I do not like to think it, but he will take her from us."  
  
The mere suggestion made Elrond pale, for he knew it was possible. "Do not speak of such a thing!" he barked. "Your sister is far above any man!" Though even as he voiced his denial, he once again felt the warning of Galadriel twist in his heart.  
  
"He will fail you," Elladan assured. "Now leave my room," he turned his head away.  
  
Elrond reached a hand out to his son. "Elladan - "  
  
"Leave my room," he repeated in a low tone.  
  
He never lost his temper, never raised his voice. Sometimes Elrond wished he would. Anything would be better than the cold remote tone he always adopted in occasions such as this.  
  
Seeing that his argument was futile, Elrond gave a nod of assent and quietly left, shortly followed by Elrohir as Elladan dismissed him also.  
  
"It isn't true what he claims of me," he stated, to assure himself as much as convince Elrohir. "Will he never forgive me? Will he always hate me?"  
  
"He doesn't hate you," Elrohir told him, "but he is hurt. And you wouldn't be able to hurt him if he didn't love you. He is too proud and stubborn for his own good, he worries me sometimes. He carries far too much bitterness inside him."  
  
"I am known as one of the greatest healers in Middle Earth, and I cannot even settle the mind of my own firstborn," Elrond noted with forced irony. "What can I do to convince him that what he thinks is untrue? Do you see it like he does, Elrohir?"  
  
Elrohir shook his head. "No, and I think the way he has acted tonight is appalling. Though while I do not condone his behaviour, I cannot say I blame him for feeling the way he does." He turned down the corridor to his own room. "Goodnight, Father." 


	5. Part 5

PART 5  
  
Four years seemed to pass quickly in the house of Elrond. Estel grew in body and mind, the night terrors ceased - much to Elrond's relief - and his grief for his father's passing healed. He was developing to be a bright little boy, with an ever-growing thirst for knowledge and history, often asking about his own, but no word of it was ever spoken to him.  
  
Elrohir and Elladan were present in Rivendell less and less as shadows of evil crept further into the west, and orcs were increasing in great numbers. For months at a time, they were abroad, hunting the creatures to defend the land. And to defend their mother's honour.  
  
"Father, I am worried about Elladan," Elrohir confessed one evening after supper, when everyone had retired to bed.  
  
They had returned home four days ago, and Elladan had only twice emerged from his room to eat, abandoning all his tasks and duties. Not even his brother had seen him.  
  
Elrond nodded gravely. "I know, Elrohir. I share your concern. It is about your mother, isn't it?"  
  
Elrohir shrugged as he sipped a glass of wine. "I do not know. I think partly it is, yes. You do not see him, Father, when we are out hunting. He is like some mad thing possessed! I can scarcely believe it is my own brother. Yet, when we return home, he is withdrawn. He's curt with everyone, he barely speaks to you, he only ever speaks to Estel to shout at him. And now he is even rejecting *me*!"  
  
Elrond crossed the room to pull two chairs in front of the fire. "Come, Elrohir, sit beside me. Talk to me. It is not good to brood on your worries."  
  
Elrohir sat tensely in the high-backed chair, swallowing bitter tears. There was so much he wanted to say, but could not, for fear of his father's reaction. He wanted to voice his distress at how detached Elladan had become from him, he wanted to cry of how he had not received but a touch for three months. But such things he could not speak of to anyone in Rivendell. There was only one he could share his grief with, and she was miles away.  
  
"I miss my mother, and I miss my sister, and Elladan is unwell and I do not know how to help him!" With some shame, he felt hot tears flood down his cheeks as a bitter rage spurned inside him. "And you need not worry anymore about the shame our relationship brings upon you, for I do not think you have any cause to!" Covering his face with his hand, he cried as the weeks of pain finally overtook him. He dared to glance at Elrond out of the corner of his eye. "I suppose you are pleased now."  
  
"You would not believe how much you sounded like your brother then." Elrond took the wine glass from his son's hand and placed it on the floor. "I do not want you to be embittered towards me too, Elrohir."  
  
Elrohir wiped his tears on the back of his hand and turned to face his father, seeing the honesty of his words reflected in the pain in his eyes. "I am not embittered," he whispered. "Not to you."  
  
"And in answer to your asking if I am pleased," he paused for contemplation. "You know how I feel about it, Elrohir, and that will never change. But I do not like to see you hurting. Or your brother. I am worried about you both."  
  
Reaching across the gap between the chairs, Elrohir placed his hand on top of his father's and dared to ask, "What is wrong with him?"  
  
Elrond turned his palm over to grip Elrohir's hand, a gesture that had not been made since he was a child. "It is not physical. I wish it were, and then I could do something about it. If it were a wound, I could dress it, if it were an illness I could give him medicine. But it is in his mind, and only he can help himself. I feel so.."  
  
"Helpless," Elrohir finished.  
  
"Yes."  
  
They sat watching the fire for long moments, each absent with his own thoughts, but both with their minds bent on Elladan.  
  
"Let us go and see him." Elrond finally stood.  
  
Elrohir looked up at him. "I don't think I could bear for him to dismiss me again."  
  
Elrond looked sternly at him. "Elrohir, he does not hold much love for me, but he does for you - despite his recent behaviour - and you can help him far better than I can. Please, come with me."  
  
Reluctantly, Elrohir stood and followed his father out of the room and up the stairs to Elladan's bedchamber. He admonished himself that his own emotional pain should go second to Elladan's, as he was suffering far worse, but he felt that he could not take another rejection. He was certain it would break his heart. They reached the door, and at his father's order, he knocked and called his brother's name.  
  
"What do you want?" Elladan finally called back. He sounded hoarse and remote.  
  
Elrohir bit his lip, forcing himself not to cry. "Elladan.are you all right? Please can I come in?"  
  
A silence that seemed to span hours hung in the air, broken only by Elrohir's ragged breath, before his twin answered.  
  
"No you cannot. I do not want you, Elrohir, can't you see that? How long before you take the hint and get it into your head. I do not wish your presence in any way at all, not for the mental stimulation it brings and certainly not for the physical. Let me be."  
  
Elrohir stared at the closed door, feeling his insides twist, and for a moment he felt like he was going to be sick. "You cannot mean that!" he sobbed when he found his voice. "Elladan!" He leaned his weight against the heavy wood, feeling his knees were unable to hold him up. "Why?" was all he could ask. "Elladan-"  
  
Elrond pressed a finger against Elrohir's lips to silence him. "Elladan, your father is here," he announced.  
  
"Then take that sniffling cur of an Elf away from my door. I have already stated I do not wish for him to be there."  
  
"Do not speak to your brother in such a way!" Elrond rebuked.  
  
"I just have," Elladan replied tersely. "Now get rid of him."  
  
"What have I done?" Elrohir slammed his fist against the door. "Elladan, open this door this instant!"  
  
Before he had stood back from it, the door swung back violently. "What?" Elladan appeared, dressed in the same shirt and leggings he had been wearing when they had last seen him two days ago. His hair was dishevelled and he looked pale and tired.  
  
"You are not yourself," Elrohir whispered, refusing to believe that his brother, his twin, his lover, could discard him so completely. "You did not mean what you said to me. You cannot mean it."  
  
Elladan looked away from him. "Leave me, Elrohir." He sounded weak, burdened with many sorrows, like an old Elf who had lost all zest for life.  
  
"You do not mean it!" Elrohir reached forward to touch him.  
  
Like a spooked horse, Elladan recoiled. "Leave me." Then he turned his head and looked his brother defiantly in the eyes. "Leave me, Elrohir."  
  
Staring aghast at his Elladan, Elrohir backed away. It could not be his brother who had just spoken to him in such a cold way. It could not be. He was about to turn and flee when the running shape of Glorfindel halted before Elrond.  
  
"My Lord Elrond! Estel has gone missing!"  
  
"Missing?!" Elrond and Elrohir echoed in unison.  
  
Glorfindel nodded, breathless. "Yes. He was not in his room when Gilraen went to check on him, and we cannot find him anywhere. We have searched for over an hour."  
  
"Why was I not informed immediately?" Elrond demanded.  
  
"I am sorry, my lord, but I did not want to worry you until I was certain there was need to. I know you have great concerns at the moment." He glanced at Elladan.  
  
Elladan looked back at his father, and Elrohir knew what he was thinking, knew what he was willing, and he only prayed that his father would not let him down. Again. Please. For Elladan's sake.  
  
"And Estel missing is not a concern?" Elrond raged. "Glorfindel, you should have told me as soon you found out! He is six years old and he is lost in the night, *nothing* holds importance to that!"  
  
Pushing Elrohir aside, Elladan bolted down the corridor.  
  
"Well done, Father," Elrohir spoke his thought aloud, "you have done it again." 


	6. Part 6

PART SIX  
  
"Elladan!"  
  
His brother's voice was hardly audible over the crashing waters of the Bruinen and the wind whistling in his ears as he ran beside it. Tears stung in his eyes, blinding him for a moment, and he fell sprawling ungracefully in the wet grass.  
  
"Elladan, please wait!"  
  
Rising to his feet, Elladan halted to catch his breath. The breeze whipped his hair into his face but he made no attempt to push it back. "Leave me alone, Elrohir." He wasn't sure if he had spoken the command aloud or not; either way Elrohir paid no heed to it.  
  
His twin strode defiantly to his side. "You are not running away from me." He was trying to sound forceful, but he only sounded pitifully upset. Elladan could tell he was still crying without even turning around. Though Elrohir held his tone even, he could still tell by the sound in his voice, and more by his breath. Little things. Little things he'd always been able to know.  
  
Tensing to take flight again, Elladan laughed, a staggered laugh, which could have turned to sobs within seconds had he not contained himself. That was how he felt most of the time now - unsure whether to laugh or cry.  
  
A firm hand grasped his wrist, pinching as fingernails dug into his flesh. "You are not running away from me," Elrohir repeated.  
  
"Yes, I am." He wrenched his arm free, and even as he did he felt weakness overtake him, and his legs sunk underneath him and he surrendered to the floor, kneeling solemnly as if in prayer. He was aware of Elrohir crouching before him, but he didn't look up. He could not look at his twin and see the hurt in his eyes, the pain he was causing. "I have to," he added in a whisper. "I have to run. But I do not have the strength."  
  
He wanted to run so fast that he could hear nothing but the laboured thud of his pulse in his temples, feel nothing but the wind rushing past him as he tried to outrace it, nothing but the burning ache in his lungs as he ran beyond his endurance. Anything but what he had been hearing and feeling for the last few months. He wanted to run so fast that his feet would leave the ground and he would fly. Or not. Perhaps he was welcoming death, though he had been fighting so hard for life. Perhaps now was the time to give up. Perhaps that was what it was all about. Fighting never stopped the pain.  
  
The pain only got worse.  
  
'Give in,' it was telling him.  
  
"Don't give in," Elrohir whispered, somewhat absently, as if his heart had known his brother's thoughts though his head had not. "Elladan. are you well?"  
  
"No," Elladan felt tears sting in his eyes again, but this time made no attempt to stop them spilling. For months he had shied from Elrohir's touch but now he craved it like he never had before. But he could not bear to request it. He nearly reached out, but instead he sunk his hands into the earth beside him, feeling cool mud and wet grass in his fingers. It was soothing somehow.  
  
"It is about Mother?" He knew. Elrohir always knew. "I think you want everyone to think it is about Father and Estel, but I know it is not. Father knows it is not."  
  
"I couldn't care less about Father," he stated feebly, hanging his head as he felt the grief once again weigh on his shoulders. "I keep hearing her voice on the wind, Elrohir. Every time we go out on a hunt: 'do not fail me,' she says." Every day, every night, in every dream and waking nightmare he would see her face, pale and pinched, and her haunted eyes; but never would he see her as she was before. That memory was stolen from him. "And I know I have failed her, and I know I do, and I always will!" Straightening up, and holding his face back to the sky, he let out a cry that even sent a chill down his own spine, so detached he felt from his own body. "And it just gets worse and worse and worse, every single time! I will never be free of it! I will never know peace again!"  
  
"Hush, Elladan, please." Elrohir tried to wrap his arms around his shoulders, but Elladan raised his arms in defence to stop him. "She would never think that. She loved you, and she still does."  
  
"Then why did she have to go?"  
  
Elrohir continued as if he hadn't spoken. They both knew the answer to the question, though there was really no answer at all. "And she knows what we did - what *you* did - in order to save her."  
  
"Perhaps it would have been better if she had died. Better for her."  
  
"No! She will be well again now. And she will be with Father again one day, and she will be happy as she once was."  
  
"But we will never see her again." So many times he had heard the promise that Celebrian was at peace now, and it always fell on deaf ears. It was no comfort.  
  
"Oh, Elladan." Elrohir tried in vain to catch his eye. "It is our curse for loving each other as we do. But when all the worlds join as one.. Well, who knows what may happen?"  
  
"I cannot think of that. I am not like you. How do you cope so well, Elrohir? Tell me."  
  
"She was in pain and she wanted to know peace again. And though I miss her terribly, I would not have made her stay for anything." His voice cracked as he leaned forward to place a kiss on Elladan's forehead. "And if you wish to follow her, I would not make you stay. Though I would surely die without you."  
  
The thought of it made his stomach churn and he reached up to grasp the back of Elrohir's neck, pulling him closer. "I will not leave you, or this place. It is our curse, and I will bear it." Then, pulling back, he buried his head in his hands, letting his hair fall forward around his face like a curtain. "I would not find peace anywhere!"  
  
Elrohir pulled his hands away and held them firmly.  
  
"Am I losing my mind, Elrohir?" he whispered. "Do you have the answers? Do you know what is going on in my heart, as you always have, for I do not anymore! Am I losing my mind?"  
  
"No!" Elrohir cupped his chin in his hand and forced him to make eye contact. "I won't let you. I'm here, Elladan, always. I will never abandon you. I could not. You are my twin, half of my soul; and you are my love, half of my heart. I cannot live without you, and you cannot without me, so stop trying to push me away."  
  
Closing his eyes, Elladan felt his brother kiss away a tear from his face and he gripped the hand that was still holding his. "Help me, Elrohir."  
  
"I will, but you have to let me."  
  
Nodding, Elladan fell forward into his brother's arms as they wrapped tightly around him as he felt safer than he had for as long as he could remember.  
  
"Elladan! Elrohir!" A voice called to them across the breeze, cutting into the moment like the foulest interruption.  
  
Both twins stood and turned as a white steed galloped towards them.  
  
"Go away, Glorfindel," Elrohir wished in a mutter, slipping his arm around Elladan's waist.  
  
"Estel is down on those rocks!" Glorfindel raged as he dismounted. "Would you rather let the boy drown before you let go of each other?"  
  
"My brother is not well," Elrohir snapped defensively. "I had not to the concern to be looking at the rocks."  
  
"Where is he?" Elladan ran to the edge of the rocks that carved the way down to the river.  
  
"I saw him from a distance," Glorfindel answered. "He looked like he was trying to hide down in a hollow. He was only yards away from you, why didn't you see him?"  
  
"That water is treacherous." Elladan felt his heart pick up as he stared down into the dark water, as white foam rushed over rocks. "How on earth did he get down there?" He couldn't see an easy path.  
  
"I can see him," Elrohir pointed him out, tucked against the side of a large rock. "I will go down to him." He stepped down the bank.  
  
"Elrohir, be careful." Elladan stepped behind him, holding the back of his shirt in case he fell.  
  
"Elladan, come back here," Glorfindel ordered. "You are in no fit state to be scaling rocks."  
  
"Estel! Estel, dear, don't move!" Elrohir suddenly cried, panicked. "Stay perfectly still, I am coming down to get you."  
  
Elladan froze, staring aghast, as he saw the small figure of the child recoil from their advance, dangerously close to the edge of the rocks.  
  
"He's going to fall," he realised, able to do nothing but watch.  
  
As he had anticipated, Estel lost his footing and fell backwards with a cry, hitting the water with barely a splash.  
  
Without a moments thought, Elladan descended the rocky bank and dived into the river. His breath stuck in his chest as the icy tentacles of the current pulled him under. He heard his brother cry his name in alarm as he surfaced, gasping. He stared around for Estel, trying to locate the point where he had fallen before a flash of white clothing under the water caught his attention. Taking a breath, he submerged again, swimming blindly against the darkness with only his hands to guide him.  
  
He could feel the cold begin to cramp his limbs when his hand brushed against a small limp body and he grabbed Estel's nightshirt firmly, pulling him above the water.  
  
"Breathe, Estel, please," he pleaded, touching the child's cold lips and hugging the lifeless form close against his chest.  
  
"Elladan, over here!" He heard Glorfindel shout, and he looked up to realise he had been swept to the far riverbank.  
  
Holding Estel firmly under one arm, Elladan used the other hand to grip the slippery rocks as well as he could. The water was fast and cold, and the undercurrents were stronger than he had assumed. He could feel his legs start to give up.  
  
"Glorfindel, take him." He struggled further a few more yards to where the Elf lord had waded into the water. "Take him, quickly." As soon as the child had been snatched from his arms, he felt the water pull him back and under.  
  
How easy it would be, he thought, to let go now, to let the river take him. He had no choice. He was not strong enough to try and swim against it. All the energy had been drained from his body saving Estel. He only prayed that the boy would live. His chest began to hurt for lack of breath, and he could feel his body growing heavy, his eyes falling shut...  
  
"Elladan!"  
  
He could feel himself being hauled onto the riverbank, shivering instantly as the cold night air hit his wet skin.  
  
"Don't give in!" He heard Elrohir order again, with force this time.  
  
He felt strong hands roll him on to his side, and hit him between the shoulder blades and he retched as he felt the foul river water rise from his lungs. He coughed until he thought his chest would explode.  
  
"He is all right!" He heard Elrohir announce, laughing through tears with relief.  
  
"Estel. where is Estel?" Elladan gasped, trying to sit. Voices passed over his head in a blur of sound.  
  
"I must take the boy to your father," he heard Glorfindel say. "He is in dire need."  
  
"Is he all right?" he begged of Elrohir as he heard the hooves of Asfaloth canter away. "Elrohir, is he breathing?"  
  
But his twin wouldn't answer him. Instead he gave a shrill whistle, to which the sound of more hooves followed, this time approaching.  
  
"Get up." Elrohir hauled him on to the horse, mounting behind him and holding him tightly as he steered the beast back to the house. "Hold on, Elladan, my darling brother. Stay with me. Do not give up on me."  
  
"Is Estel all right?" was all he could ask.  
  
Before many minutes, dim lights of the Last Homely House became visible to him, and Elrohir halted the horse. He could see the white shape of Asfaloth not far before them, and the sound of many voices - Gilraen, frantic; Glorfindel, hurried, trying to explain what had happened; Elrohir whispering at his ear.  
  
And a voice that cut through all the noise like a knife through butter. His father:  
  
"My son. What has happened to my son?"  
  
"Father, I am sorry," Elladan whispered, uncertain of whether Elrond could hear him at all, or if he was even listening.  
  
"Glorfindel," Elrond continued to order, "take Estel inside, undress him, dry him, wrap him in blankets. Immediately."  
  
/He is alive, then / Elladan thought with some relief.  
  
"My Lord, you must come," Glorfindel began to argue. "He needs - "  
  
"Do as I say!" Elrond barked.  
  
"Father." Elrohir started to say, choked with worry.  
  
"Give him to me."  
  
Elladan felt himself be lowered from the back of the horse, and as his feet touched the ground the world spun around his head and he felt his father catch him in his arms and lift him, before everything turned black.  
  
~TBC~ 


	7. Part 7

PART 7  
  
Elrohir stood panting in the corridor, leaning his weight back against the wall. He was shaking, and cold water from carrying Elladan had seeped through his shirt to his skin. Glorfindel had ran into one room with Estel and Gilraen and slammed the door, and his father had carried Elladan into his room and demanded everyone to leave him be before slamming his door as well.  
  
The sound of hoarse coughing assured him that Estel was alive at least, and he allowed himself to relax a little, but his eyes were drawn back to the closed door of his brother's room. How he wanted to be close to him, to warm him, to comfort him, but he dared not risk the wrath of his father. And he was scared of what he may see, Elladan in pain, dying even.  
  
A young dark haired Elf darted past him carrying a tray laden with steaming tea and soup, nearly knocking into him. "My pardon, my lord," he uttered before disappearing into Estel's room.  
  
Elrohir followed aloofly behind him. As he could not see Elladan, he had to make himself useful somewhere; even if only to take his mind off his worry for his brother.  
  
Gilraen was sat near the fire with Estel curled in her lap buried in thick blankets. Glorfindel was trying, in vain, to urge him to sip some tea.  
  
"Let me," Elrohir took the cup from him and crouched beside Gilraen's chair. "Estel." He pulled the blankets back a little to reveal a pale face. "Hello there." He kissed his cheek. "Will you drink some tea for me? It will make you better."  
  
Estel turned his head away, grimacing. "I feel sick."  
  
"All right," Elrohir put the cup down beside the chair. "Do you think you want to be sick?"  
  
"He has already coughed up a lot of water," Glorfindel told him. "I don't think he's got anything left."  
  
"Try to drink something, Estel," Gilraen coaxed. "Even if it's only a little bit. For me. Please?" She looked between Elrohir and Glorfindel, holding back tears of worry.  
  
Elrohir squeezed her hand beneath Estel's blankets. He imagined he knew how she felt. He felt the same worry for Elladan.  
  
"Come on Estel," Elrohir raised the cup again. "Make your mother smile, now. Drink some. It'll warm you up, you'll feel a lot better."  
  
Estel took a cautious sip from the cup, looking sceptical.  
  
"That's good," Elrohir smiled. "Now drink some more, or you'll be very poorly."  
  
"I feel sleepy." Estel pushed the cup away after taking another mouthful.  
  
"Yes, I know," Elrohir walked to the table and took the bowl of soup from the tray. "But you've got to have some soup and some more tea before you can go back to sleep." He couldn't help but smile as he heard Estel nervously ask  
  
"Am I in trouble, Mother?"  
  
"Oh goodness no!" Gilraen hugged him. "You were a very naughty boy running off like that, Estel, but I'm not angry with you. I *should* be, but I am glad to have you back in one piece." She took the soup from Elrohir and dipped the spoon it.  
  
"What were you doing down by the river anyway, Estel?" Glorfindel asked. "You know you're not allowed there by yourself."  
  
Estel shrugged as he swallowed the soup. He glanced up at Elrohir. "I'm sorry I made Elladan cross," he whispered. "Is he still angry with me?"  
  
Elrohir frowned, unsure of what the boy was talking about. "Don't worry about Elladan," he said, forcing a smile. "He'll be all right."  
  
"What has Elladan to do with this?" Glorfindel looked at Elrohir as if he should know, then crossed the room to Estel. "Estel, did Elladan shout at you? Is that why you ran away?"  
  
The boy shrugged again, glancing nervously at Elrohir.  
  
Glorfindel crouched beside him. "Estel, if he did -"  
  
"That will be all, thank you Glorfindel," Gilraen interrupted. "We will be all right now. You may go. You can interrogate my son when he is better."  
  
Elrohir hid a smirk behind his hand as Glorfindel stood and left the room. Glorfindel had never been any different - he was a fierce Elf Lord who had fought many battles, killed many foes, sent the Witch King of Angmar fleeing in terror, yet the sharp words of a woman could wither him as quickly as a glance.  
  
At a nod from Elrohir, the young Elf left the room also, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Do you wish me to leave, Gilraen?" Elrohir asked.  
  
"Not at all," Gilraen dabbed a bit of spilt soup from Estel chin with the edge of the blanket. "I'm sure Estel would like you to stay."  
  
Estel nodded as he yawned. "Can I go to sleep now?"  
  
"When you've had this tea, yes," his mother told him, lifting the cup to him again.  
  
He took a few mouthfuls of the tea. "I can't manage anymore," he said. "I'm tired."  
  
"I know you are." Gilraen put the half emptied cup on the floor. "You don't have to drink anymore, you've been a good boy taking all the soup."  
  
"We should put him to bed," Elrohir suggested.  
  
Gilraen nodded. "In a while." She kissed Estel's cheek. "Now promise me, Estel, you will never run away like that again."  
  
"I promise." He looked up at her and his eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Hush, don't cry," she soothed quietly. "Shh. I'm not angry, you just frightened me."  
  
Estel sniffled. "I didn't mean to."  
  
"I know, my love, I know." Gilraen sniffed back her own tears. "Go to sleep now. Sleeping will do you the world of good. There's nothing better than sleep when you're feeling poorly."  
  
"Where's Elladan?" Estel turned his head to regard Elrohir.  
  
"He's . I think he's sleeping too," Elrohir replied, feeling a shiver run through his body at the memory of Elladan's hysteria in the gardens.  
  
"Is he poorly too then?" the boy asked.  
  
"Yes," Elrohir whispered. "He is quite poorly." He shook himself not to show his fear in front of the child. "But he will get better, just like you will."  
  
/I hope against all hope/ he added silently to himself  
  
"Good." Estel fought off another yawn and snuggled into the blankets, resting his head on his mother's shoulder.  
  
Gilraen held him close and rocked him, humming a lullaby that Elrohir hadn't heard in years.  
  
"My mother used to sing that to us when we were children."  
  
Gilraen ceased her song and turned to face him. "You must miss her terribly."  
  
"Yes, I do." Elrohir reached a spare blanket from the bed and wrapped it around himself, before dropping into a nearby chair. "I wish she were here now. She would know what to do about Elladan."  
  
"Your father knows what to do," she assured him.  
  
Elrohir looked fondly at the dozing bundle in her arms. "Elladan doesn't really hate Estel, you know."  
  
She nodded. "He resents him, though."  
  
He could not lie. "Yes."  
  
"He is just a little boy." She tucked a stray lock of hair behind Estel's ear, bending her head to kiss him again. "Why does he resent him so, Elrohir? I don't understand."  
  
"With all respect," Elrohir took a breath, trying to find the right way to word it, "you could not even begin to understand. There is a lot of bad history between Elladan and my father; and myself to be truthful, yet I can let things go and forgive where Elladan finds it hard to. That is why he is making himself so ill."  
  
"Bad history, you say?" Gilraen seemed to pierce him with her gaze, though it was not unkind. "This is about your affair with your brother, am I right?"  
  
Elrohir gasped audibly. "You know about that!"  
  
"It is not as big a secret as Lord Elrond would like." Gilraen gave a wry smile. "I care not. But I do care about my son, and if tonight's events were anything to do with Elladan then I want to make certain there is not a repeat performance."  
  
Elrohir nodded. "I can only apologise on his behalf. I do not know what he said or what he did, and in the state he is at the moment I doubt very much that he does either. But he saved Estel's life tonight, risking his own."  
  
"I know. And I am grateful --"  
  
"But it should not have happened in the first place," Elrohir agreed. "I do not know what to do with him, Gilraen. I don't think he is a danger to Estel, but he is a danger to himself." He felt himself being pulled towards his twin by some unknown feeling and he rose quickly from his seat, unable to stay away a moment longer. "I must go to him now, if you will be all right without me."  
  
"We'll be fine," Gilraen said. "And so will Elladan."  
  
Elrohir forced another smile as he left the room. With heavy feet, he made his way down the corridor to Elladan's room and knocked on the door.  
  
"I said I did not wish to be disturbed!" Elrond barked from inside.  
  
Elrohir pushed the door open. "It is only me."  
  
"Oh," Elrond stood up. "I am sorry, Elrohir, I didn't realise. Come in."  
  
"That's all right." Elrohir pushed the door shut. "Has he woken yet?" He looked at Elladan lying as still as death in the bed, his face drawn with tiredness and grief.  
  
"Not yet." Elrond sat back down. "You should get out of that wet shirt, Elrohir. I don't want you catching a chill."  
  
Elrohir ignored the comment and perched at the edge of the bed, fingering the tangles in his brother's hair, still wet from the river. "He will be all right," he tried to sound positive, "won't he, Father?"  
  
Elrond sighed. "I hope so."  
  
Elrohir curled beside Elladan on the bed and kissed his lips, not caring a bit about his father witnessing it. "Estel awoke," he said, "and he's had some soup and tea."  
  
Elrond nodded, not seeming to take the words in. "I do love him, Elrohir." He stared at Elladan. "I love both of you."  
  
"I know," Elrohir rose and hugged his father. "*He* knows, only he is too stubborn to admit it."  
  
"I hope you speak the truth," Elrond said sadly. "I would like him to believe me." He reached over and touched Elladan's cheek with the back of his hand. "Would you leave me with him, Elrohir, please? Let me be alone with him. I wish to speak to him should he wake."  
  
Elrohir nodded, though he wanted nothing more than to stay beside his brother. He could not deny his father the chance to make amends. "I will go back to Estel now," he said. "Send for me when Elladan wakes."  
  
~TBC~ 


	8. Part 8

PART 8  
  
A hand - foreign, yet somehow familiar - winding through his hair was the first thing Elladan became aware of as he awoke. Fingers stroking down his cheek, a palm touching his brow. Instinctively, he turned his face into the warm touch. He wasn't sure where he was, but he was warm and dry, and he could smell the wood smoke of a fire. The last thing he could remember was being cold and wet, collapsing from Elrohir's horse and being caught by...  
  
He forced his eyes to open and focused on the worried looking figure sitting at his bedside.  
  
"Father!"  
  
Elrond gave an openly relieved smile, removing his hand from his son's face. "Hello, Elladan."  
  
"Where is Estel?" The night's events rushed back to him .. Estel had been bothering him, he had shouted at him, Estel had run off, Elrohir had come to speak with him and he had argued with him .. Then Elrohir had found him and comforted him .. Then Estel had fallen in the water and he had dived in to save him. But after that ..? "Where is Estel?! Is he all right?" He sat up quickly, regretting the motion instantly as his head and his stomach span in opposite directions.  
  
Elrond took hold of his shoulders and eased him back. "He is all right. He is in the next room."  
  
Elladan tried to fight against the strength of his father's hands but shortly gave up, letting his head fall heavily into the soft pillows. "I want to see him."  
  
"No, recover your strength first," Elrond said firmly. "You can see him in the morning."  
  
He could not help but think it was somehow his fault. If only he hadn't shouted at him . "Is he all right?!"  
  
"Yes," Elrond assured him. "He came around, he drank some soup, and now he's gone back to sleep. He will be fine. He is made of hardy stuff."  
  
And he could not help but wonder, "Why aren't you with him?"  
  
A frown crossed his father's brow for a moment, darkening his eyes with sorrow. He sighed as though a great burden was weighing on his chest. "I was worried about you, Elladan," he stated plainly, reaching under the blankets to clasp Elladan's hand. "You expected me to be with Estel while you are unwell?"  
  
Elladan turned only his eyes in his father's direction. "He nearly died tonight."  
  
"But he will be well again with care and medicine," Elrond said. "I do not know if you will. I cannot tell you how worried I am about you. You have not been yourself at all lately."  
  
Elladan pulled his hand free from Elrond's and turned his back to him. "Well, I don't know who else I am," he muttered sardonically.  
  
"Neither do I anymore," Elrond whispered, moving to sit at the edge of the mattress. "Please, Elladan, talk to me. Tell me what is troubling you. I don't know if I can help you, but at least let me try."  
  
Elladan stared at the wall for long minutes, wondering why his father was suddenly showing so much concern for his welfare. Maybe he had got it all wrong about Estel, maybe he had been over-reacting; maybe he was truly going crazy. Or maybe Elrond was trying to appease a guilty conscience. Either way, he didn't feel like talking. Already, he had spilled his feelings to Elrohir and he felt that his heart could not take the pain of being bared again. "Not now," he replied quietly. " I am too tired."  
  
"Very well. But we will talk in the morning, yes?"  
  
Elladan closed his eyes and turned his face into the pillow. "If you really want to."  
  
"I *do* want to." Elrond took hold of Elladan's shoulder and rolled him over onto his back to look at him.  
  
"Isn't it a bit late to be playing at happy families?" He could not restrain the accusation that was rising, or his anger. "Are you feeling guilty about neglecting me? Or are you so happy over the prospect of Elrohir and I ending our affair that you are joyful to embrace me as your son? I do not wish to hear any of it, for it is as false as your feelings towards me have always been true!"  
  
He held a long gaze into his father's eyes before Elrond looked away, dropping back to sink into the chair again. He crossed a hand over his face before straightening up to speak.  
  
"It is not because I feel I should make things up to you - though the Gods know I do need to. And it is not because I think things have changed between you and Elrohir - for I don't believe they have." His voice sounded old to Elladan's ears; sad, not powerful and resonant as it always had, and for a moment, he wondered whether to believe him. "That is not going to change now, I accept that, and I do not care anymore. You have wronged me, yes, and shocked me, even disappointed me -- "  
  
He tried to bite his tongue to stop his words running away with him. He was too tired to argue, but also too tired to control himself. "Disgusted you, you surely mean."  
  
"Yes, if I am honest, you have. But you have never *failed* me. You are my son and - despite what you think - I do love you and I am proud of you."  
  
He reached for Elladan's hand again, but Elladan pulled away.  
  
"You must confuse me with Estel." He closed his eyes for a moment, and even when he opened them again Elrond was still looking at him and for the first time in his life he saw tears of true sorrow in his father's eyes. Not the first time he had seen his father cry, not the first time he had caused him to cry, but the first time he believed the regret Elrond was trying to convey. Whether it was the look of pain on Elrond's face, or his own pain, or tiredness, his resistance could hold up no longer and he felt a sob rise from his belly. "Father." he reached out, knowing he was acting like a child, but not caring.  
  
Within a second, Elrond had moved to his side to cradle him in his arms. "It's all right, Elladan," he whispered. "I'm here. Everything's going to be all right now, I'm going to take care of you."  
  
Elladan turned closer to his father, taking comfort in the feeling of strong hands gently rubbing his back, and in the quiet words of support, but wanting more than anything to feel the embrace of his arms, realising exactly how long he had wanted it.  
  
"I'm sorry." Elrond kissed his forehead. "I'm so sorry, Elladan."  
  
Elladan felt the hot wetness of tears on his face, but whether they were his own tears or his father's, he was unsure.  
  
"Where is Elrohir?" he wanted to know, sitting back and looking around the room, as if he had only just noticed his brother was not there. "I have not driven him away, have I?"  
  
"No, not at all. He has been to see you, but you were asleep. He is with Estel. Would you like me to send for him?"  
  
Elladan shook his head. He didn't have the energy to talk, and Elrohir would surely want to. "I just want to sleep now."  
  
"I'd like you to eat something first," Elrond looked sternly at him. "You haven't eaten in days."  
  
The thought of food made his stomach churn, though his father was right, he hadn't had a meal in three days. "I am not hungry."  
  
"Then drink." Elrond reached to the table and poured a cup of water from a jug. "Here, let me hold it for you."  
  
"I can hold it myself," he argued, though he knew himself that he would have spilled it. "I am not a child."  
  
"You always will be, Elladan," Elrond said quietly, helping him sit up against the pillows.  
  
His weakness decided the argument for him and he sipped from the cup as his father raised it to his lips. He realised he was in fact rather thirsty but his lack of strength allowed him to manage only a few mouthfuls.  
  
"There, that's better," Elrond set the cup on the table. "You will eat when you've had some more sleep I expect."  
  
Elladan nodded, sliding from his propped position to lie flat again. "I'd like to sleep again now."  
  
"Yes, of course." Elrond tucked the blankets around him. "Would you like me to stay?"  
  
"No, I'll be all right. I'd like to be alone for a while."  
  
He could tell his father wanted to argue, probably to suggest that maybe he'd already spent too much time alone, but instead he just nodded reluctantly.  
  
"All right," Elrond kissed his cheek. "Sleep well."  
  
Elladan heard the dull click of the door as his father left the room, though he felt he was not alone. Too tired to care, he closed his eyes. As sleep wrapped its arms around him, he felt a warm body slip into the bed behind him, moulding itself so closely and perfectly to his back that it could only be Elrohir.  
  
"I love you," he whispered, reaching for his brother's hand as his arm slid around his waist.  
  
"I love you too," Elrohir whispered back. 


	9. Part 9

PART 9  
  
The midday sun burned brightly overhead though a chill edge that warned of autumn's arrival hung in the air. The mist had done nothing to help the cough Estel had developed since his fall in the river, and Elrond had confined him to his chambers for two weeks. But now the air was clearing he had allowed him to venture outside again, much to the child's relief.  
  
Elladan, though he had received no physical injury or illness, was taking longer to recover. He would often shut himself in his room for hours, and only Elrohir could get him to come out. He was eating a little better, but only because his father insisted that he did, even if it meant meals being taken to his room. He was still too quiet for Elrohir's liking; too distant for his comfort.  
  
But, for the first time since the incident, the sunlight had managed to lure Elladan from his room and he walked in companionable silence on the balcony with Elrohir. They quietly approached Estel, who was standing near the far steps amusing himself with some carved animals.  
  
"Hello Estel!" Elrohir stooped and grabbed him around the waist, laughing aloud as the child squealed and started with fright, dropping several little wooden sheep in his shock.  
  
"Oh! How do you creep around like that?" Estel gasped, leaning back against Elrohir's chest.  
  
"We will teach you one day." Elrohir kissed his cheek and released him. "How is the cough?"  
  
"Much better, thank you." He turned to look up at Elladan. "Are you better now Elladan?"  
  
Elladan forced a faint smile and nodded.  
  
"He's getting there," Elrohir replied, giving Estel's shoulder a little squeeze. A thought crossed his mind at that moment. Even at the tender age of six, Estel was ever observant and considerate, always putting the feelings of others before his own.  
  
/He will make a splendid King, / he thought and Elladan nodded to him as if he had read his mind.  
  
"I haven't seen much of you, Elladan," Estel tugged on Elladan's sleeve until he crouched beside him. "Where have you been? Why didn't you come to visit me?" He put a pink painted rabbit into his hand.  
  
"I haven't been well either," Elladan told him, picking up a blue rabbit and placing it atop the back end of the pink one.  
  
Elrohir gave his shoulder a scolding tap but smiled wide at the same time. It was the first indication of humour he had seen in months.  
  
"What are they doing that for?" Estel frowned, pointing at the rabbits.  
  
Elrohir bit back laughter. "Nothing, dear," he said, as Elladan moved the rabbits into a more modest pose opposite each other.  
  
"I would have come to see you," Estel continued, "but Elrond said I had to stay in bed. I was so bored." He reached for a duck and pushed it through a small puddle of water. "But he had these made for me! do you like them?"  
  
"They're charming," Elladan said, inspecting a goat. "You've got lots, haven't you?"  
  
Estel nodded and proceeded to line up all the animals. "I've got some sheep, and goats, and rabbits, pigs, two ducks, a cow. Oh! and a horse! I wish I had a real horse of my own, but Mother says not until I am older. But I'm sure I'm big enough now to ride a pony. I wish I had a pony, Elladan. How old were you when you learned to ride?"  
  
"I think I was a few years older than you," he said. "And it took me ages to get to like it. Elrohir learned earlier, he was upon the back of a pony near enough as soon as he could walk."  
  
Elrohir walked to the edge of the balcony, leaving Elladan alone to play with Estel. It was the happiest he had seen his brother look for a very long time. Ever since the episode at the river, he had been distant. He had not said a word for three days and eventually he had broken down in tears only able to say 'all my fault; it was all my fault'. Elrond had thought he had been talking about Celebrian, but Elrohir had figured his brother was referring to Estel nearly drowning. He had managed to piece together through little things Estel had let slip that Elladan had shouted at him and made him run off. He thought it was sweet how Estel was covering for his brother, so he had said nothing.  
  
If anything, it had worked out for the good for Elladan seemed determined to make things up to Estel. It was not really Elrond who had the animals made, it was Elladan and he had painted each one of them himself. But he had kept that fact hushed; he wouldn't want to appear to be starting to like the boy. Elrohir chuckled quietly at his brother's stubbornness.  
  
He heard a shriek of merriment behind him and turned his head to see Elladan tackling Estel to the floor to tickle him. Elladan was laughing. Estel's happiness seemed to be infectious and Elrohir thought he would help pull his brother out of his shell again. Though he knew Elladan was a long way away from being healed.  
  
A bustle of movement from the courtyard below made him look down to see a small party of Elves upon horses enter the gates. At their head was a brilliant white steed. He recognised the horse in an instant.  
  
"Elladan, come!" he cried and darted past him and down the stairs. He ran excitedly through the throng, rudely knocking a few Elves aside, and halted to embrace the rider as she dropped lightly down from her saddle.  
  
"Elrohir, you have rather knocked the breath out of me, grabbing me in such a way!" Galadriel smiled at him.  
  
"What are you doing here?!" he cried. "Not that I'm not incredibly pleased to see you, but we were not expecting a visit!"  
  
"I sensed my presence was needed," she said, looking questioningly at him.  
  
He sighed. "Yes," he said quietly, "and not a second too late. It is Elladan, he has not been at all well." He looked back to see Elladan walking slowly towards them, with Estel at his side. It never failed to startle him how gaunt and pale his twin had grown over the last month. Normally the sturdier built of the two, Elladan had lost a lot of weight and it showed in his face, as did his lack of sleep. On the rare occasions that he did offer eye contact, Elrohir was greeted with the haunted eyes of a stranger.  
  
Galadriel regarded her eldest grandchild with a concerned frown. "That I can see for myself, he looks dreadful. Excuse me Elrohir." She left his side and walked to meet Elladan, taking both his hands in hers and talking quietly to him.  
  
"Elrohir," he heard Estel whisper as a small hand grasped his fingers. "Elrohir, who is she?!"  
  
Elrohir looked down at him to see him staring at Galadriel with wide eyes. "The lady Galadriel, Queen of the Golden Wood."  
  
Estel continued to gape in awe.  
  
"She's my grandmother," Elrohir told him, sliding a hand under his chin to push his mouth shut.  
  
"Your grandma?!" Estel looked quickly up at him then back to Galadriel. "But she's beautiful!" He blinked, as if he was seeing a vision and wasn't sure if it were true.  
  
Elrohir smiled. "She is quite impressive, isn't she?"  
  
The boy nodded slowly with his mouth hanging open again. "I'll say!"  
  
Elrohir waited until Galadriel had finished her private talk with his brother and placed his hand on Estel's shoulder, turning him in her direction. "Come on, I'll introduce you." He led Estel over to her. "Grandmother, may I present Estel." He nudged the boy's shoulder to remind him of his manners.  
  
Estel gasped and snapped from his trance to bow low to Galadriel. "At your service, my lady."  
  
"I imagined you were Estel," she said, stooping to be the same height as him. "Elrohir has told me in his letters that you have turned into his faithful shadow. I am pleased to meet you at last." She took his hand.  
  
"Thank you," he mumbled, shyness overtaking etiquette.  
  
"How is Grandfather?" Elrohir asked as they walked towards the house with Galadriel at his one side and Estel tagging along at the other. Elladan dawdled behind.  
  
"He is well," she told him. "He sends his love to both of you. You should come to Lothlorien sometime, we would love to have you stay for a while. I know someone who would especially like to see you."  
  
Elladan jogged a few steps to catch up with them. "How is she?" he asked anxiously.  
  
Galadriel smiled at him. "She is very well. I have letters for both of you from her."  
  
Elrohir wished Arwen were there now. She would have been able to make Elladan snap out of it. She would not have allowed him to brood; she would have forced him to put his feelings on the line even if it meant her shouting at him and hitting him until he cried. Elrohir didn't have the courage to do that. He didn't have to courage to see Elladan suffer, though he knew he had to suffer openly before he would get well again.  
  
He wondered why Galadriel was making such a sudden visit. He looked across to Elladan to try to read his thoughts on the matter but his brother had grown silent again, lowering his head to stare at the floor with a troubled frown creasing his brow.  
  
/Let me in Elladan, please, / he begged silently, hoping his emotions would get through, but he felt as though a wall had been erected around his brother's heart in just that second. A wall without gates or arches.  
  
"My lady Galadriel!" Glorfindel halted before them with a wide smile. "This is a pleasant surprise. How are you? May I take you to Elrond?"  
  
"Thank you Glorfindel," she took his arm. "That is most kind of you." She gave a pained smile back at Elrohir as the Elf Lord led her towards the house.  
  
Elrohir grinned. He knew his Grandmother's feelings about Glorfindel. They weren't quite as intense as Elladan's complete and utter hatred for the Elf but she did not like him. He sensed that she didn't altogether trust him, though he wasn't sure why. She had never said anything; at least not to him.  
  
"Elladan, fancy! I cannot believe she has just turned up like this!" He caught his twin's arm.  
  
Elladan nodded. "Yes, it's marvellous," he said quietly.  
  
Elrohir sighed and frowned. Though he had appeared better just a few moments ago, his brother was starting to drift back into his own little world again. Elrohir wasn't sure what that world consisted of, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know, all he was sure of was that it was not a good place for Elladan to be.  
  
"Why don't we go out for a ride?" he suggested. "It has been so long since we last went out together." He nudged Elladan's arm as he got no answer. "I'll even let you win a race."  
  
"No, I'd rather not." Elladan moved to turn away. "I feel quite tired now."  
  
"I left my animals upstairs," Estel whispered, looking at the two of them with concern. "Excuse me." He ran back up to the balcony.  
  
Elladan avoided his brother's eyes as he watched Estel jog back up the steps. "Actually, I think I will join him for a short while." He started to follow after the boy.  
  
Elrohir caught his sleeve and pulled him back. "Perhaps you would be better going to bed," he suggested, trying to sound as cheerful as he could. "If you are tired, I mean. It is better for you to sleep than play with Estel, I am sure."  
  
"Oh, stop coddling me!" he snapped suddenly, knocking Elrohir's arm away. "Let me be, for goodness sake! I cannot breathe for your fussing!" He sighed and crossed a hand over his face. "Oh, I am sorry my love. I did not mean to snap at you."  
  
Elrohir shrugged. Elladan had shouted at him so much over the past weeks that one little snap didn't seem to make that much more difference. At least he knew he didn't mean it and he was sorry for it. That meant something. Maybe it meant he was starting to get a little better. "It's all right," he said softly, gingerly taking Elladan's hand. "Go and play with Estel if it makes you happy. I'll leave you be. I'm sorry. I don't meant to fuss over you, but both of us know you are very unwell and I just worry about you. I love you Elladan, I would never forgive myself if something happened to you and I had not done everything in my power to try and get you better." His eyes filled with tears at the thought of something happening to him. "And if that seems like fussing, then shout at me all you like but I won't stop. I miss you Elladan, I don't know who you are anymore. I want my brother back. My strong, stubborn, sarcastic brother, who pushes me around and tells me what to do. The brother who is my strength, my companion and my love all at once."  
  
"Elrohir," Elladan gave a smile, a smile he had not seen for a long time and had thought at times he would never seen again. "I should not shout at you, but sometimes I feel angry and I know you are the only person who would forgive me for acting like such an ass. And that makes it even more wrong for me to do it. I think sometimes I take advantage of your good nature. If I were you, I would have killed me by now."  
  
Elrohir laughed. "Oh, Elladan, sometimes you really are an ass." He glanced around him to make sure no one was near before he leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on his brother's lips. "Now run along and play!"  
  
"I will!" Elladan laughed and hugged him tightly. "I will see you later. Maybe we can go out for a ride tomorrow."  
  
Elrohir smiled as he watched him walk away. He was getting better. He just had to be patient and take one day at a time. Three months ago Elladan had been totally detached from him. Now he needed him. That was positive. But still he thought Elladan had something in his mind that he wasn't telling him. And he sensed he wouldn't like it at all.  
  
~TBC~ 


	10. Part 10

PART TEN  
  
"Come along, you," Elladan tugged firmly on the lead rope as he led a stubborn little pony into the paddock. Elrohir and his father were already there waiting for him.  
  
"So this was your 'business' in Bree!" Elrond remarked, leaning over the fence to look closely at the pony, a frown pulling at his mouth. "I am not sure about him, Elladan. I would rather have Estel learn on an Elvish steed. He might be untrustworthy."  
  
Elladan groaned softly. Trust his father to try and dampen things. "He is fine, Father."  
  
"Oh, he's adorable!" Elrohir jumped lightly over the fence and walked to the pony. "He's a scruffy little pony, absolutely perfect for Estel to learn to ride, and a pet too!" He held a clump of grass on his hand and the pony took it gratefully, snorting into his palm as thanks.  
  
"Scruffy is the right word," Elrond frowned further. "He is probably infested!"  
  
"Oh, he is not!" Elrohir dismissed the comment, taking the lead rope from Elladan. "He just needs a good brush." He checked the beast over - his body, his hooves, his teeth, then finally a long look into his eyes. "He is fine, Father," he confirmed. "Honestly he is."  
  
Elladan grinned as his Father backed down with a shrug. If Elrohir said a horse was fine, then fine it was. He knew the animals better than he knew his own kind. He could understand their every thought. He smiled fondly as he watched his brother whisper to the pony and the beast's ears twitched in response. He had been so unfair to him in the past months. No one but a twin brother could have put up with his behaviour. But sometimes it wasn't enough. Sometimes it was too much. He missed his sister.  
  
"Where am I going?! Mother, can I look yet?!"  
  
They all turned as Estel approached, blindfolded and led by Gilraen. The boy turned his head blindly as they halted by the fence and Elrond lifted him over.  
  
"You can look now Estel," Elladan removed his blindfold and turned him towards the pony.  
  
Estel gasped and stared between Elladan and the pony. "What.?" he was speechless.  
  
"He's yours," Elladan told him. "A gift from me." He stooped and whispered in the boy's ear. "To say sorry. And to say thank you."  
  
Estel nodded in secret understanding. "Elladan, I.." He clasped his foster brother's hands, blue eyes wide. "Oh! Is he really all mine? Can I stroke him?"  
  
Even as he asked, the pony stepped forward and nuzzled his ear.  
  
"What is his name, Elladan?" Gilraen asked.  
  
"He hasn't got one yet," Elladan replied. "I thought Estel should chose one."  
  
"Maermeldir," Estel said with barely a seconds thought. "For he will be a good friend to me."  
  
"Not just a friend," Elladan said, lifting a saddle from the edge of the fence. "Elrohir is going to teach you to ride him too."  
  
Estel burst into a fit of excited giggles and jumped up to fling his arms around Elladan's neck, threatening to choke the Elf in his excitement. "Oh! Thank you so much! Thank you!" Then he remembered with a bashful smile; "Mother, is it all right?"  
  
Gilraen smiled. "How can I say no?" she said, crossing to Elladan as he perched up on the edge of the fence. "Thank you Elladan, you have made that child very happy."  
  
"Come, Estel," Elrohir held his hand out to him. "No lessons today, but you can have a sit on him and I'll lead you around the paddock." He lifted him into the saddle. "Now, when Father isn't here I will let you have a go without the saddle," Elladan heard him whisper.  
  
"You most certainly will not," Elrond said firmly, having heard too.  
  
Elrohir rolled his eyes and slowly began to lead Maermeldir around the perimeter of the fence.  
  
"You are looking a little better these last few days, Elladan," Gilraen commented, leaning her arms on the fence as they watched Estel. "It's nice to see you smiling again. It is a sight we have all missed for far too long."  
  
Elladan nodded. "I know I have been difficult to live with for a while," he said quietly, "but I am trying to get better." He felt her hand over his. "I am sorry for the way I treated Estel." He glanced at Elrohir again. Oh, it was going to be so hard trying to get him to understand.  
  
"I am sure this break will help you," she assured him, following his eyes to Elrohir. "You have not told him yet, have you?"  
  
"No, I have not," he sighed. "I have not found the right moment to. He is so concerned about taking care of me himself, I have not had the heart to tell him." He grinned at his brother as Estel demanded an increase in pace. "He is going to be so upset."  
  
"You have not much longer to put it off," Gilraen said, nodding in the direction of Galadriel, approaching on the arm of Glorfindel. "You should have told him privately, Elladan. He would not want any of us to see his tears."  
  
He should have told him privately. There had been many moments for him to tell him since he made the decision a month ago. There had been a moment that morning to tell him, he had nearly told him. But it was painful, and he was cowardly.  
  
"Faster! Faster!" Estel cried and Elrohir had no choice but to run around until he was breathless.  
  
"Come on Elrohir!" Elrond encouraged with a laugh. "You should be able to run better than that!"  
  
"You have been neglecting to keep your sons fit, Elrond," Galadriel said behind them as Elrohir halted breathlessly at the gate. "Let me keep them for a while, I will sort them out."  
  
"This is Maermeldir," Estel announced proudly to Galadriel from his saddle. "He's mine! Isn't he lovely, my Lady? He was a gift from Elladan."  
  
"You will have Haldir running us around the forest until we are half dead!" Elrohir argued. "We are quite fit enough, aren't we Elladan?"  
  
Elladan smiled at him. "I am not as fit as I was," he said regretfully.  
  
"No, but it won't take you long to get better," Elrohir said cheerfully. "You are eating properly again," he glanced between Elrond and Galadriel, "isn't he Father?"  
  
"He is," Elrond nodded. "It won't take him long to be fit enough to outrun you, Elrohir."  
  
Elladan laughed. "True. I look forward to outrunning you again, Elrohir. You have had it easy while I have been weakened." He hopped down from the fence and crossed to speak to his father while Elrohir introduced Galadriel to Maermeldir. "We will be restoring Mother's honour again come Spring," he promised. That was one thing he was determined to do.  
  
"You take care of yourself first," Elrond ordered. "I don't want you doing anything before you are ready, I know you Elladan." He clasped his hands with a smile. "One good thing has come of this," he whispered. "It has brought us together again."  
  
"Yes," Elladan squeezed his hands. "Mother would be pleased, wouldn't she?" He swallowed as tears threatened. Tears still came too easily to him for his liking.  
  
Elrond pulled him into a hug. "You get yourself well again, Elladan, in your own time," he said. "I want you to be looking healthy and happy by the next time I see you. These things take time, I know, so do not put a deadline to Spring. Take your time. We will wait."  
  
"Take care of Elrohir," he said as he pulled from his father's arms. "I must break the news to him now." He looked at his grandmother and sighed. "Are we all ready?"  
  
She nodded. "We are."  
  
Elrohir frowned and climbed over the fence to Elladan. "Ready for what? What is going on Elladan?"  
  
Elladan sighed. He could not keep it from Elrohir a second longer. The moment had come to tell him. "I wish to stay in Lothlorien for a few months," he said. "I am leaving this morning with Grandmother."  
  
Elrohir nodded in understanding. "I will come with you," he said eagerly. "I am sure Father won't mind-"  
  
"No," Elladan told him. "I need to be alone for a while, Elrohir. I need to sort my mind out, and I cannot do that with you near me." He saw him bite back tears and he took his hand. "Do not cry, fair one," he whispered, leading him away from the others. "I am not rejecting you. Nor do I intend to. I just need some time alone. Away from Rivendell, away from the mountains, away from everything that reminds me of what happened to Mother."  
  
"And that includes me?" Elrohir asked quietly, tears flooding his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving? Why leave it until now? Why don't you want to be around me?"  
  
"I did not tell you because I knew you would be upset," he answered, reaching up to wipe his twin's tears. "I must do this Elrohir. Please understand. I need to get away for a while, I need to see Arwen again, I need her ear and her comfort."  
  
"Isn't my ear and my comfort enough?" Elrohir cried. "I am your twin, I know you better than anyone!"  
  
"And every time you see me cry it breaks your heart," Elladan finished, placing a finger against his lips to silence him. "I cannot let you suffer as well. And I know I have been making you suffer. I love you, Elrohir, you know that."  
  
Elrohir nodded. "I know," he whispered. "And I love you."  
  
"I will be home for the Spring. I promise." He smiled weakly, tipping Elrohir's head to catch his eye. "Let me do this. Please. I know we have never done anything alone, but I need to do this by myself."  
  
"You are doing it," Elrohir said shakily. "Why do you need to persuade me, you have already made up your mind, regardless of how I feel." More tears ran from his eyes.  
  
"I would feel better if I had your blessing." Elladan stared him down, trying to show him with his eyes what he could not say with his voice. "Please Elrohir. Please understand. Please let me do this. Give me your blessing."  
  
"You have it," Elrohir whispered and nodded, taking him in his arms and holding him tightly. "Come home well."  
  
~To be continued~ 


	11. Part 11

PART ELEVEN  
  
Elladan had not realised how much he had truly missed home until he was standing upon the balcony overlooking the inner gates of the Last Homely House. Lothlorien had been grand, as always - the trees ever tall, the grass ever green, the weather ever temperate - but there was something wild and unpredictable about the mountains of his home that meant so much more to him. He could feel the crisp air that whistled through the valley, and he could smell the waters of the Bruinen.  
  
Though he was tired and aching after a less than comfortable trek home in the sultry summer weather, Elladan was glad to be wandering about in the night air awhile, having bathed and changed into clean leggings and a light tunic that he had pilfered from Elrohir's room, which was nearer than his own.  
  
He noted with a frown that his twin had not been present in his bedroom. He had been hoping to find him there and surprise him with his return. The hour was late and most of Rivendell's populace had retired to bed. Indeed, he had seen none save the guards since he had arrived. Perhaps Elrohir was posted on one of the far border guards. He had also noted, with a deeper frown, that some familiar faces were missing from their old posts, and that settled uneasily in his gut.  
  
His sharp ears picked up a barely-audible footfall behind him, and he turned to see a tall figure walking towards him, dressed in a light robe, golden hair gleaming in the pale moonlight, apparently unaware of his presence. He lingered in the darkness of the balcony until the figure came close to him.  
  
"Good evening, Glorfindel!" he then called, stepping from the shadows to greet him.  
  
Glorfindel halted with a start. "My word, Elladan! I did not see you there," he gasped. "When did you return home? We did not expect you for a few days yet."  
  
"I returned a few hours ago," Elladan told him. "I insisted we hasten our pace, be it hot weather or not. Elrohir would kill me for doing that to the horses, so I beg you not to tell him; but it was important that we did not linger, lest someone should come to an untimely end."  
  
A frown crossed Glorfindel's face. "Did you have trouble from orcs?"  
  
"No," Elladan grinned. "Just with the escort Grandfather provided me with. Collectively, I think they have the conversational skills of a mute troll. Had I spent one more day with them, I would have gone and found some orcs to take them in for me. I have sent them to retire to some rooms in the East wing."  
  
Glorfindel laughed loudly and patted him on the shoulder. "Sleep is not coming easily to me this night. Would you care to walk with me?"  
  
"Yes, I will," Elladan accepted, indicating for Glorfindel to lead the way. "I was just thinking how wonderful it is to be home."  
  
"It is good to have you back," Glorfindel responded, walking elegantly down the steps into the garden. "I must say you look much better than you did when you left us. I trust you feel better too?"  
  
Elladan followed, noting with a fascination that had not evaded him since he was a child, at how Glorfindel's slippered feet made a lighter imprint in the dewy grass than his own bare feet did. 'Heavy man's blood', Celebrian used to call it when they would blunder about as children.  
  
"I do feel much better," he replied in answer to Glorfindel's question. "I was in need of some time and space to sort some things out in my mind, and Grandmother and Grandfather have helped me overcome much, and it was wonderful to see Arwen again, but I am so glad to be home now. That escort aside - I think they were just subdued anyway - I always feel that I am never quite at home in Lorien, outside Caras Galadhon. I feel they look down their nose on us of less than elven extraction."  
  
"They should not," Glorfindel said defensively. "But you know what the Lorien lot are like, Elladan. They are a very insular folk. They don't like anyone new and strange, even their Lord and Lady's own grandchildren."  
  
"They like Arwen well enough," Elladan snorted. "She is being paid advances from all over. I still feel she would be safer here with us, especially the way the world is turning these days with orcs and evil things creeping out from everywhere in overwhelming numbers." He shrugged in reflection. "Though she is happy there, and she and Grandmother are very close. I suppose my dear Evenstar is just surrounded by men here since Mother left us. She has many friends in Lorien."  
  
"Yes, Arwen misses your mother terribly," Glorfindel said sadly. "Though I know you all do."  
  
Elladan forced a smile and cast his sight West. He did miss her awfully, though it was easier to bear now. He had schooled himself into not thinking about what had happened, but to remember her as she had once been, and as he liked to think she would be now. She would be well now, that was all that mattered. No longer did her image haunt his dreams, and the memory of her beauty once again graced his mind.  
  
He fingered the chain around his neck, feeling the green stone brush cool against his breast. He had made the necklace for his mother when he was barely of age, and she had given it to him upon her departure to the Havens. For many a year it had hung heavily around his neck, weighted by his guilt, until he had refused to wear it any longer and had given it to Elrohir to put away. But tonight he had retrieved it from his brother's jewellery box and put it back around his neck to remind himself of the way the jewel had looked upon her fair form, and to remind himself what he was fighting for.  
  
He smiled. Yes, it was good to be home, and lots of things were going to change now. Speaking on friendly terms with Glorfindel was a start. They had spoken only with forced niceties for many years. Much like himself and his father, he reflected.  
  
"Elrohir has missed you a lot, of course." Glorfindel broke into his thoughts. "Not a day has gone by over the past month that he has not looked for your coming from his window."  
  
Elladan smiled at the thought. "I did not intend to stay away as long as I did, and I know I said I would be home by Spring, but…. Well, time always seems meaningless in Lorien." He sighed. "And it took me a little longer than I thought to… to sort things out." He swatted a moth from in front of his eyes. "How is Elrohir?" Not a day had gone by when he had not thought of his brother.  
  
"He is well," Glorfindel assured him. "He's been busy with me on the border guard. We had a nasty little incident shortly before Yule... "  
  
"Orcs?" Elladan walked along the grass border as Glorfindel turned onto a stone path. "What happened? I thought I saw some missing faces from the guard when I entered the valley this evening."  
  
A shadow seemed to cross Glorfindel's face. "Yes, I am afraid so," he sighed. "The paths around the orc colonies are used little these days, as you know, and there are few travellers for them to accost, so they came down from the mountains and set upon the human settlements around the borders. When they had finished plundering there and found nothing – for we had heard rumour of their movement if not their numbers, and moved the women and children of the Dúnedain inside Imladris – they then grouped in masses and tried to attack our borders. Our guard was not strong enough to withstand them all. There was not time to call for assistance and there were many casualties, and more losses than we could really afford. They would have infiltrated our fair realm had your father not raised the river."  
  
Elladan listened to the account with a grave face. "I thought they had been sitting pretty for too many months," he muttered. "It sounds like they were getting their numbers up to make sure our resources were down for the winter." His frown deepened and he balled his fists in anger. "Disgusting beasts! I knew I should not have gone away!"  
  
"Elladan," Glorfindel spoke his name softly and laid a soothing hand upon his arm. "You would have been no good to anyone as you were. You were right to go away."  
  
Elladan let his breath out slowly, trying to remember Galadriel's words about not blaming himself for every orc-related misfortune in the world. "How many losses did we suffer?" he dared to ask.  
  
"Over half of the eastern guard." Glorfindel shook his head regretfully. "But the rangers came to our aid and we hunted the orcs back into their lairs. We could not kill as many as we would have liked, but we drove them back. We haven't had much trouble for the past few months."  
  
"But I daresay we will have twice the trouble in months to come," Elladan said grimly. "They breed faster than mice! I do not know how they do it! The world seems to be swarming with the damn creatures at the moment. But worry not, Elrohir and I will be back soon. They have had it cosy while I have been absent, but the Grey Death will ride out again soon." He grinned. "'The Grey Death', that is what they call us, did you know?"  
  
Glorfindel shook his head with a smile. "I would say the name is well deserved."  
  
"I knew there was something about Lorien I loved – no orcs!" But in truth, he had missed hunting. Despite fighting to defend his mother's honour, Elladan took great responsibility in keeping his land secure, and the roads around it safe to travellers. He was now almost itching with anticipation of getting up into the hills and raiding the caves for the ones that had maimed his people.  
  
"Do not brood on it, Elladan," Glorfindel said firmly and the younger elf looked up to see his old mentor arching a stern eyebrow at him.  
  
"What else has happened while I have been away?" he asked, taking a seat upon a stone bench by a fountain.  
  
Glorfindel smiled broadly. "Oh, there is a very amusing tale to tell about Erestor and a young boy known to us, and a very large toad in a washbasin, but that can wait until we are at dinner tomorrow and there is a vast audience to humiliate the Counsellor before."  
  
"I shudder to think!" Elladan laughed. "How is Estel? He was still a little sickly when I left."  
  
"He is very well," Glorfindel replied. "He's a little taller than he was when you left; they grow so fast, don't they? And he has mastered that pony beautifully. Erestor has started to tutor him, which of course Estel is claiming to hate every second of, but I think he's enjoying it really," he smiled. "And Elrohir has been trying to teach him to swim these past few weeks, but he is a little reluctant to get into water any deeper than his bath after what happened at the river. It is to be expected, the poor lamb. He cannot be blamed for being afraid."  
  
Elladan swallowed a thick lump of guilt, and resolved that he would make teaching Estel to swim his first priority  
  
"He has also made a very strong companion in a lad of the Dúnedain called Halbarad," Glorfindel continued.  
  
"That is good," Elladan nodded. "That child spends far too much time around adults, and not even adults of his own kind. He spends far too much time around old elves."  
  
"That he does," Glorfindel agreed. "Elrond is doing a wonderful job of playing father to him, and Elrohir is a wonderful brother and mentor to him – both your father and your brother seem more taken with Estel than I've ever seen with any other child that has been fostered among us." His face grew grave, and almost sad then. "That boy has a teacher for every subject he could want to learn, be it art, or music, or swordplay, or equestrian… but it would grieve me to see him have all this and grow up forgetting he is human. It would be terrible for him to become a man and never feel comfortable among his own kind. Though I foresee the future of a recluse ahead of him."  
  
It was indeed an ill image, though one Elladan could not see being avoided if his father had no plans as to when he would reveal the young human's heritage to him. "What will become of him, do you think?" he asked. "Estel, I mean." He unsuccessfully fought back a yawn, unaware of when he had suddenly become so tired.  
  
"I do not know," Glorfindel shrugged, rising from the bench and turning to walk to the stairs that led into the back of the house. "That is the business of your Father, and Gilraen of course. For now, he is fine as he is."  
  
Elladan followed behind the Elf Lord and up the stairs. His father was a wonderful replacement father to Estel, and Elrohir was a wonderful big brother, and Glorfindel an uncle, and Erestor a tutor, but where did he fit in? What could he provide the boy with? If indeed he was able to provide him with anything.  
  
"I note you did not mention me in there," he said softly. "Though I have hardly been the best to him. I am so regretful of my behaviour, Glorfindel. I acted like a child. I was so scared Estel would become Number One Son in my stead, though I have hardly much right to Father's love after the way I have acted. I want to be a brother to Estel. I want to be as Elrohir is to him. I want to teach him lore, and I want to teach him the way of the sword when he is older. And when it is time, I want to teach him to be the best ranger these lands of ever seen. He is a dear child, and I want to help make him into a great man. And I know it would mean a lot to a lot of people if I were to do so. I was wrong to have acted so childishly towards him." He could feel the colour creep to his cheeks as his words came out in such a rush.  
  
"Elladan, I have never heard you speak so frankly!" Glorfindel could not hide his smile. "Your Father does love you, I wish you would see that. You are as stubborn a beast as he is, but now you have both finally backed down a little, maybe some old bridges can be rebuilt. I know things can never go back to the way they were before…" he seemed to consider his words before deciding on: "back to the way they were, but I think we can all try to make things better around the family." He smiled sadly. "Though it is not my business, I am not family. You have said that to me many a time, and it is true. I suppose I do get overly involved at times."  
  
Elladan saw the sadness in Glorfindel's eyes. He had been beyond cruel in some of the things he had said and done. "You are family, Glorfindel," he placed his hand on the golden Elf's arm. "You made a promise to Mother when she left that you would take care of us. I would like things to start getting better now, with everyone and that includes you. I would like us to be friends again." He sighed heavily, thinking back on the past centuries. If he were Glorfindel, he would not have taken the extended hand of friendship gladly. "I know not whether you can forgive me for all the things I have ever said and done and accused you of over the years."  
  
"Perhaps." He looked hard at Elladan. "I only ask that you do not do it falsely, Elladan. I would rather have you still accusing me of trying to bed your Father than that."  
  
"I don't know if that was ever right," Elladan said. Galadriel had assured him it was not, and he would like to always believe her. Even so, the words stuck in his throat. "Even if it was right, it is not my business." He saw anger flare in Glorfindel's body in that second.  
  
"I never did anything Elladan," he said firmly, "though I will not argue the case with you now. I have protested my innocence to you for far too many years, and I do not see that I feel the need to anymore. If you still do not believe me about that night after Celebrian left then ask Erestor, he was there and he will tell you. But we have been through this a thousand times."  
  
"I do not care what did or did not happen!" Elladan cried. "I just want to forget about it all and put it behind me. I have spent far too much energy fighting with this in my mind. I just want to forget about it all."  
  
"I love your Father more than I have the need to breathe, you know that. But I love your mother, and I love you children, and I would never do anything." He turned on the balcony to face the valley. "Even if I had a chance," he added softly.  
  
"Glorfindel," Elladan walked to his side. "I did not intend for us to argue. I just want us to make amends. Can we? For Father and Elrohir if for no one else."  
  
"I don't suppose I have much choice," Glorfindel smiled strangely, "or I will have Lady Galadriel on my back, and she frightens me. And anything has to be better than the way you have been for the last half a millennia."  
  
Elladan nodded, not sure whether he had been given an answer there or not. He could see that he had much work to do, and not least of all with the one he loved the most. It was giving him a headache just thinking about it, and he rested his head in his hands as he leaned upon the veranda. "I was vile to Elrohir in my madness, and even worse to Estel."  
  
"And Elrohir was too wrapped up in that child, and Elrond was an insensitive beast who took no regard to your state of mind until it was too late," Glorfindel interjected. "And I told them as much."  
  
"You did?" Elladan's eyes grew wide and he straightened up to look at the Elf Lord, who was still staring out over the landscape. "Why did you defend me so?"  
  
"Yes, I did, though I know not why," Glorfindel answered quietly. "Not that I expect things to stay rosy amongst the Peredhil family for long, of course. You and your father are far too alike for things to be nice for too long."  
  
"Like you said, we can try," Elladan said, fighting back another yawn. "I must bid you goodnight now Glorfindel." He could see his bedroom door from here and he yearned for nothing more than to fall into bed. "I will see Father in the morning, but I must retire. I am quite shattered."  
  
"Yes, of course you are," Glorfindel reached to squeeze his shoulder gently. "Goodnight, Elladan."  
  
"Goodnight," Elladan said, as he and Glorfindel parted ways to go to their respective chambers. He yawned widely as he opened the door and crossed the room to his bed, stripping his tunic and dropping it carelessly over the chair. He surveyed his chamber with a smile. Though he had been away months, someone had taken the care to dust and put down clean bedding for his return home.  
  
Bedding which was not unoccupied, he noticed, as he walked further into the room. The familiar shape of Elrohir lay curled beneath his covers, dark hair tangled over the white pillow, and beside him lay the small form of Estel.  
  
"Elladan!" Estel's eyes opened in a second and he clambered carefully from the bed to run to the Elf. "Elladan, you are home!" he squeaked in an excited whisper.  
  
"Yes, I am home," Elladan smiled, stooping to hug the child. It still felt awkward. It all felt awkward – promising to resolve things with his father, speaking nicely to Glorfindel as he had not done for centuries – but he was determined he would make things right for everyone. He would try his very best, at least. Even though it was against his very nature, and against everything he had believed for years. He had to stop being vindictive. It hurt himself more than it did anyone else. Though he could not help but think, with a smile, that being humble did not suit him well.  
  
"Why are you both in my room?" Elladan whispered, nodding towards Elrohir.  
  
"I found Elrohir in here looking sad," Estel explained, "so I thought I'd better stay with him. He has been so lonely without you." He tugged Elladan's hand. "Oh, Elladan, I have so much to tell you! I was in awful trouble the other day! It was just a bit of fun, but how was I to know Counsellor Erestor went icky over toads?! Really, I thought he was going faint!"  
  
"Shh!" Elladan whispered with a chuckle. "Tell me about it in the morning, it is late now." There was much to be sorted in morning, but he was dying most of all to know about this toad, and now he was even more intrigued, but he did not want to wake Elrohir. "I am awfully tired Estel, and I would not be a good listener right now. But you must tell me everything tomorrow." He stepped behind the screen to change into a thin nightshirt, already laid out for him.  
  
"Do you want me to go back to my own bed now?" Estel whispered softly as Elladan stepped out. "I know I'm not supposed to be in your room, but poor Elrohir looked so sad."  
  
Elladan stepped quietly over to the bed and ran his hand through Elrohir's hair, smiling lovingly down at his sleeping form. "No, you can stay here Estel," he said. "Hop back in bed at the other side of Elrohir."  
  
Estel grinned broadly and did as requested. "I did promise him I would stay all night."  
  
Elladan smiled quickly at the child but he only had eyes for one person in the room. Part of him wished Estel had not made such a promise, but he was far too tired to do anything anyway. Elrohir looked tired too, he noticed. He had missed his brother more than he had thought he would, and he wanted to kiss him but he glanced at the boy watching him and decided then that he would no longer flout Elrond's request on that matter. Maybe a time would come for Estel to know of them, but that would not be for many many years.  
  
"Come and lie by me Elladan, if you want," Estel offered. "He has left you no room there."  
  
"It's all right, I'll move him." Elladan nudged Elrohir's shoulder gently. "Really, Elrohir. My first night back home and I cannot even get into my own bed. Move over, you take up more room than one of those horses of yours."  
  
Elrohir's eyes came open slowly. "Elladan?" he sat up. "Elladan! Oh, Elladan, you are home!"  
  
Elladan's gaze darted to Estel as he was pulled into a tight embrace. "Yes, I am home, brother dear," he said, "and Estel is still here watching over you."  
  
Elrohir took that as warning and released his hold.  
  
"He looks good, doesn't he Elrohir?" Estel said with a smile. "He looks strong again."  
  
"You do look well, Elladan," he whispered with tears in his eyes. "My brother is back at last." He took Elladan's face in his hands and looked long into his eyes. "How are you?"  
  
"I am much better," Elladan replied, sliding beneath the sheets beside his twin. "But I am so tired. I want nothing more than sleep now."  
  
"I understand," Elrohir moved over to lie close against his back, laying a warm hand upon his thigh. "But there is much to catch up on come morning," he whispered.  
  
Elladan closed his eyes and snuggled back into the familiar warmth. "Mm. There is," he smiled.  
  
~TBC~ 


	12. Part 12

PART TWELVE  
  
The public baths of Imladris were normally a quiet place, where folk of elven and human kind would come to bathe and relax in the warm waters. But today was a slightly different affair. The main bath - in which a grown man could stand belly-deep in water - had been cleared of people under the order of Elladan, who was standing fully clad in the water, attempting to lure a sobbing child into the depths.   
  
"Estel," Gilraen soothed her son. "Go in. Elladan will not let any harm come to you."   
  
The boy looked at his mother, then to the water, then back to his mother with wet eyes. "But¼ but¼" he stuttered. "I cannot swim. I shall surely drown again."  
  
"Estel, you will not," Elrohir crossed to him. "Look, take off your things, let me help you."  
  
Estel stood solidly at Elrohir stripped him to his short trousers. "I am not going in," he said with a determination that made them shiver.   
  
Elrond rose from the couch and crossed the tiled floor to them. He had watched long enough, watched Elladan fight in vain to get the boy into the water, watched the hurt look deepen in his eldest son's eyes as Estel refused to trust him. Elladan had been trying so hard since he had come home, maybe a little too hard, Elrond thought. But it was better to see than the turmoiled elf that had left them last autumn. Some weeks before, Elladan had planned an orc hunting expedition into the hills and had come back no worse for it. He did seem to be getting better, and Elrond was glad.  
  
"Estel," he said firmly, "you are going in that water."  
  
"I am not!" Estel cried.   
  
"You are, if I have to throw you in there myself," Elrond told him. "Nothing will happen to you. Do you not want to learn to swim? Suppose you fall in another river later in your life, when there is no one there to pull you out. Do you wish to drown then?"  
  
Estel pouted up at the Elf Lord. "Elrohir will hold me."  
  
"Well, Elladan is already in the water," Elrond sighed. "And Elrohir will hold you if you ask him nicely, and do not order it. Speak in that manner again and I certainly will throw you in there."   
  
Estel bit his lower lip. "Will you please hold me Elrohir?" he stared doe-eyed at the younger twin. "Please?"  
  
"Of course I will," Elrohir smiled.   
  
Elrond sighed. It was about time Elrohir was going to have to start showing that boy some discipline, whether he liked it or not. He had become far too sure of himself since Elladan had returned home, not helped by the fact that Elladan was giving in to his every whim. He would have to speak to both his sons about this later.  
  
"Come," Elrohir shrugged free of his tunic and kicked off his boots before crouching before Estel. "Jump on my back, and I'll take you in."   
  
Estel gingerly climbed onto Elrohir's back, clinging a little too tight to his neck. "If you let me go Elrohir, I will hate you forever."   
  
"I will not let you go, my dear, I promise," Elrohir took a firm grip on the boy's legs as he waded down into the water. "See? It's not so bad, is it? The water does not even reach my waist."   
  
At that comment, Elrond caught Elladan's gaze roam south down his brother's body and a small smile crossed Elrohir's face. He raised a stern eyebrow at the pair of them, but neither noticed or cared.   
  
"The bottom looks a long way down," Estel panicked. "And I do not care if it does not come to your waist, Elrohir, you are very tall! My head is barely above your waist!"   
  
"Now stop that bleating, Estel," Elladan scolded lightly. "Your toes are not even in the water yet."   
  
The boy gave a yell of outrage as Elrohir crouched to submerge him in the water as far as his shoulders.   
  
"That's not fair!" he cried, tugging fiercely on the younger twin's hair.   
  
"Stop that this instant!" Gilraen shouted to her son from across the room. "Elrohir will not help you if you hurt him."   
  
Elrond watched as the patience began to visibly seep from Elladan's being and he beckoned him to the side of the pool.   
  
"He still does not trust me, does he?" Elladan said quietly as he pulled himself out of the water to stand before his father. "What more can I do?"  
  
"A child's trust and love cannot be gained overnight, Elladan," Elrond said. "These things take time."   
  
"I know."  
  
"May I say something to you? And I mean no ill in this."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Stop trying so hard."  
  
"I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Elladan, ever since you came home you have been trying so hard to please everyone," Elrond said. "And I like it that we are getting along now, that is good, but¼ well, this is not you."  
  
"Being nice you mean?" Elladan snorted. "Surely you do not prefer me being obnoxious."  
  
"I did not like you as you were when you left us," Elrond admitted, "but I do not really like this either. Make catty stabs at Glorfindel, be stubborn with me, and shout at that child once in a while, it won't hurt him. Just be you Elladan. You do not need to please everyone and you do not need to change your very being. To know that you are well is enough for all of us."  
  
"But I do want to make things better with you, and with Glorfindel," Elladan said softly. "I do really mean that."  
  
"Then it will take time," Elrond said. "I want it as much as you do, Elladan, but such bridges are only built over time."   
  
Elladan nodded. "I see."  
  
"Now, I want you to go back into that water, and take that boy off Elrohir and teach him to swim," Elrond ordered. "Your brother is too soft with him. Scold him if you must, Elladan, but do not let him think he can bend you to his will with one look of a tearful eye. That is not good."  
  
~TBC~ 


	13. Part 13

CHILDISH FEARS  
  
PART THIRTEEN  
  
"Don't you think I can swim well now?" Estel beamed as Gilraen fought to get him out of his grubby tunic and into a clean nightshirt.   
  
"You can swim marvellously, my dear," she said. "To think that two years ago you screamed to have your toes put in the baths."   
  
"Elrohir and I were thinking of taking him to the river tomorrow," Elladan said from the doorway. "There is scarcely any water in the shallower parts. We went to look today. Would you like that Estel, if it is well with your mother?"  
  
"I would love it!" Estel cried, breaking free from Gilraen's hands and she struggled to get him into his bedclothes. "If it is well with you, Mother?"  
  
"I don't see why not," Gilraen smiled, catching the fidgety child by the collar and finally claiming the soiled tunic. "Now get washed and dressed for bed."  
  
"I was thinking we could take a picnic with us," Elladan said, "and we'll see if Halbarad wants to come too."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure he will!" Estel walked to the washbasin and peered at the water with distaste. At a sharp look from his mother, he proceeded to wash quickly. "Where is Elrohir?" he frowned.   
  
"I do not know," Elladan mirrored his frown. "He said he would be inside in a minute, and that was some 20 minutes ago. He went to check on the horses, he's probably talking to them."  
  
"Oh, can we take the horses tomorrow?" Estel asked. "I want to show Halbarad how well I can ride Maermeldir. He does not believe I can ride bareback now."  
  
"No, it's too hot to ride them," Elladan told him. "They would suffer under our weight." He looked out at the red sky. "This has to be the hottest summer I have known for some time." He walked to Estel to ruffle his hair. "Well, I am off to bed now as well," he said. "I will speak to one of the servants and have the cooks make a hamper for us and we will take it down to the river in the morning, yes?"  
  
"Yes," Estel grinned. "Goodnight, Elladan."  
  
"Goodnight," Elladan said, nodding to Gilraen as he left to walk to his own room. Even in the stone corridors the air was horribly dry and hot, leaving a burning sensation in the back of his throat. It was only mid-June and the summer was already cruel. Grass was burned yellow, the river was dry, and everything looked like it was wilting. "We need rain," he remarked to a passing servant, and asked him to make up a picnic hamper for morning.  
  
"I will see to it immediately, my Lord," the servant bowed. "I will also send word to Halbarad's parents to have him ready."  
  
"Thank you, Laesonif," Elladan patted his shoulder. "Now I bid you goodnight."  
  
"You are retiring early, my Lord," Laesonif remarked, staring at his shoulder in the wake of Elladan's hand.  
  
"Yes, I suppose I am. But I am quite shattered. Teaching sword practise is not the best way to spend a hot summer afternoon," he stretched. "I am even too tired to take a bath before bed."  
  
"I could draw one in your room, if you like," Laesonif offered, blushing lightly as he watched Elladan stretch.  
  
Elladan smiled at the young servant's blatant fancy for him. "No, I will just wash," he declined. "Better save the water."   
  
"Very well," Laesonif smiled shyly at him. "Goodnight, my Lord."  
  
"Goodnight." Elladan turned the handle to his door. "Oh, Laesonif!" he called. "Should you see my brother, tell him I have retired early. And you may use any amount of water to draw a bath for him if he tries to enter my room smelling of horses!"   
  
Laesonif nodded with a faint smile and turned around the corner.   
  
Sighing, Elladan kicked the door shut, stripped naked and sloshed some water from the washbasin over his body. Even that felt tepid. He yanked the light summer curtains back as far as they would go and threw the balcony doors open wide, standing naked in the evening air for a few moments.   
  
He yawned, and stretched, and turned back into the room wondering again why Elrohir was taking so long. He had promised he would not be long for they had planned to read another chapter of a book together before sleeping.   
  
He hoped all was well. Glorfindel's stallion had finally sired twin foals in the autumn years of his life, and Elrohir had been fussing over the heavily pregnant mother like a bird with a nest over the last few days. Elladan was certain the mare was getting more cool water and air than the elven inhabitants of the realm were.   
  
He guessed his twin was down there now talking babies with her. He thought sometimes that Elrohir should have been born female, for he would make a fine mother.   
  
"But not nearly as much fun for me," Elladan muttered to himself, falling back onto the cool sheets of the bed. Sleep claimed him within seconds.   
  
********  
  
Some hours later when the sun had set and the sky was beginning to turn a pale shade of indigo Elladan awoke to the smell of smoke, and the sound of hasty footsteps and panicking voices.   
  
"What?" he sat up, rubbing his eyes and groped for his discarded leggings in the dark.  
  
"Estel, stay in your room!" he heard his father boom outside the door.  
  
"But ... but Elrohir!" Estel shrieked.   
  
Coming instantly awake, Elladan leapt from the bed and ran to the balcony, hopping into his leggings. "Sweet Valar!" he cried as he looked down to see orange flames rising high into the night sky. He stood dumbstruck for some seconds, until the smell of smoke wafted towards him on the warm air making him cough.   
  
"My Lord Elladan!" Someone knocked on his door and pushed it open before permission was granted to enter. "My Lord, the stables are on fire. Where is your brother?"   
  
Elladan turned and blinked at him, remembering Estel's cry. "My brother was in the stables!" He pushed his feet into a light pair of shoes and tore out of the room, nearly knocking the servant over in his haste.   
  
"Elladan!" he heard Estel squeak from behind him.   
  
"Stay in your room," Elladan called back to him.  
  
"But... Maermeldir is in that block!" Estel cried.  
  
"I will get him out," Elladan promised. "Now go back to your bed and stay there." He collided heavily as he passed the corner with a slight blond figure who began a stuttering apology. "Laesonif, now is not the time to blush at my contact," he gasped. "Make sure that child stays in his room."  
  
He shoved through the crowd and ran to the stables faster than he ever imagined his legs would take him. The air was thick was smoke and he coughed on the stench of burning wood and hay.   
  
Nearly all of Imladris seemed to be there, running to and fro from fountains and ponds, throwing buckets of water on the blaze. Shouts filled the air, and the horses neighed with fright as they were led on ropes away from the blaze. Ahead of him, he caught sight of Glorfindel and Elrond trying to settle a horse as he reared on his hind legs, bright eyes wide with panic.   
  
"Elrohir!" he called through the noise.   
  
He shoved past a party of elves laying wet straw against the walls of the neighbouring stable block to stop the fire spreading.   
  
"Father! Where is Elrohir?" he cried, tugging on Elrond's sleeve. "He was here before I went to bed and I cannot find him!"   
  
"I do not know," Elrond looked around with identical panic. "They say the stable is clear, he was not in there."  
  
"Then where is he?" Elladan made to run into the burning block but Elrond caught him by the arm. "Elrohir!"   
  
"Estel!" he heard a panicky voice from behind him and turned to see Laesonif and Gilraen chasing the boy down the path, between running elves and frightened horses.   
  
"Maermeldir is still in there!" he shrieked, fighting fitfully as Elrond's arm caught him around the middle. "Maermeldir is trapped! Please get him out!"   
  
Elladan peered through the heat of the flames to see a short black beast, stomping at the back of the stables, whinnying in fear. For a second he met the pony's gaze and trembled at its fear.  
  
"Please!" Estel sobbed as Elrond lifted him and pulled him away. "Please, someone save him!"   
  
Elladan stared back into the stable then turned and looked around for his brother.   
  
"Elladan!" Estel yelled in a high voice. "Do something! You said you'd get him out."   
  
"Damn the pony, where is Elrohir?!" Elladan cried, running in circles as he tried to spot his brother.   
  
He heard another bray of fear from within the stable as Maermeldir fought unsuccessfully against the door of his stall.   
  
"Move!" he heard Glorfindel shout and leapt out of the way as the golden haired lord mounted his horse. "Come Asfaloth. We have faced worse than this."  
  
With ears back against his skull and his nostrils flared, Asfaloth stormed through the smoke with a determined glare in his eyes.  
  
"Glorfindel get out from there!" Elladan yelled after him as the beams above the door began to creak.   
  
Cries filled the air as the top of the door fell in.  
  
With no small amount of terrified shrieking, Maermeldir galloped from the blaze with Asfaloth's nose shoving at his tail.  
  
Elladan caught the pony tightly by the mane and spoke soft words to calm him. He was barely aware of the sound of groaning wood behind him as he fought to settle Maermeldir, still looking around for sign of Elrohir. He did not see the blazing beams fall down until he jumped at the sound of his father's voice calling a warning.  
  
"Glorfindel!"   
  
Elladan stared as if the event was playing at half the speed. The roof slowly caved in, the beams breaking up and falling like fireflies in the dark. Asfaloth froze in fear. And then it all fell in.   
  
"No! Glorfindel!" Elrond ran forward to aid his friend.   
  
"Father..." Elladan tried to call to stop him but his voice stuck in his throat. Then he smiled with tears of relief as Glorfindel crawled free from the burning rubble, staring back at his fallen horse with tears in his eyes. He handed care of Maermeldir to Laesonif and ran to embrace Glorfindel. Despite years of arguing, he had been terrified for one awful second that the elf Lord had been killed.  
  
"Elladan, let him go," Elrond ordered softly. "Get away from the stable now."   
  
"He threw me," Glorfindel whispered shakily as Elrond pulled him away. "He threw me in front of the falling fire."   
  
"So falls Asfaloth the sixteenth." Elrond gently led him to sit. "Come."   
  
It took some time to kill the blaze, pouring on bucket after bucket of water until nothing but charred wood remained. Elladan had discovered Elrohir's whereabouts and it brought a smile to his face. His brother had ordered he stay with Glorfindel for a while, then bring him to him.  
  
Asfaloth's body had burned in the fire and Glorfindel announced that no stable would be erected in that spot again, but a tree would be planted in the horse's memory and a moment's silence was taken and laments were sung softly. Estel stood at Glorfindel's side, gripping his large hand and staring tearfully at him with guilt in his eyes.  
  
Elladan was tempted to silently scoff at the way everyone was being so sentimental over a horse, but he had to admit that he felt a lump in his throat as he happened to glance into the sorrowful green eyes of his old mentor.   
  
"I am sorry Glorfindel," he said with a squeeze to his arm. "That was a brave thing you did." He knew well the Balrog slayer's fear of fire.   
  
"Asfaloth was the braver of us," Glorfindel sighed. "Do not cry so, Estel, it was not your doing."  
  
Elladan smiled. "I think you should come with me now, Glorfindel, I have something to show you." He led him into the woods and to the copse a short distance away to find Elrohir sitting cross-legged on the floor as a dark mare licked at two foals standing on wobbly legs.   
  
"Arise Asfaloth the seventeenth;" Elrohir bowed his head to the white foal.   
  
"Oh!" Glorfindel whispered, tears shining in his eyes as he approached the baby horses.   
  
"She bolted just minutes before the blaze broke out," Elrohir explained. "I could do nothing but stay with her while she gave birth. Are all the other horses all right? I heard about Asfaloth."  
  
"All the others are fine," Elladan told him. "Though you may want to come and see for yourself and have a talk to them. They're quite shaken up."  
  
"I shall," Elrohir nodded and Elladan could see he was itching to get to the animal as soon as possible, but he wanted to console Glorfindel with the foals. "The white one is a male," he told him. "The other is female."  
  
Asfaloth 17th's twin was as black as he was white, save for a bright white star on her head.   
  
"Estel." Glorfindel took him by the hand. "When she is older, and you are, she is to be yours."   
  
"I couldn't," Estel whispered.  
  
"You must," Glorfindel told him with a gentle smile. "In honour of the fallen Asfaloth."   
  
"Very well," Estel smiled.   
  
A nightingale sang somewhere overhead in the trees.  
  
"I will call her Tinuviel."  
  
~TBC~ 


	14. Part 14

Author's note: Some parts of this chapter are extracted and adapted from J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit", Chapter 3: 'A Short Rest'.

**PART FOURTEEN**

The summer of Estel's tenth year brought strange visitors to the valley to disturb the celebrations leading up to the midsummer feast that was yet another three weeks away.

There must have been something in the air that night, Elrohir supposed, for it seemed that all over Imladris there were groups of Elves taking any excuse they could to gorge themselves on wine. Elrohir himself was not amongst the drunken, but the same could not be said for his brother.

"Elladan, you have had quite enough!" he insisted, desperately trying to prise the almost empty bottle from his twin's hand. "Please come away, you have made enough of a fool of yourself already!" The evening had started off as a perfectly respectable affair, both brothers had been invited to join a group of younger elves in a clearing where they had sat and sung as the night had crept down upon them, but a little too much wine had been consumed by some.

"Don't be such a spoilsport, my Lord," a youngster named Lindir goaded, jostling Elrohir's elbow.

"Indeed!" Elladan agreed, throwing an arm heavily about his shoulders. "You should have a drink, my brother; it will take your mind off being stuffy!"

Elrohir sighed. "You are impossible," he said, shrugging him off and folding his arms across his chest. "I think I will leave you to it, but don't you dare wake me up making a noise when you finally find your way back to the house!"

"Elrohir!"

"Talking of people who should be in bed..." Elrohir turned to face Estel as he came tearing towards him. "Estel, it is long past your bedtime, what are you doing running about at this time of night?"

"It is all right, I am with him." Glorfindel appeared from between the trees, radiant in the darkness.

"I was about to go to bed, Mother let me stay up late," Estel defended himself.

"Well, that is all right, then," Elrohir smiled down at him. It seemed that he had less distance to look down every time he looked at Estel. He was getting so tall so quickly. Soon he would be a youth, and then a man. Elrohir did not like to think about it. Mortals had so little time to become mature, and Estel had a great challenge facing him with adulthood.

"He insisted on coming to find you," Glorfindel shook his head, then inclined his eyes towards Elladan. "Elladan, you are disgracefully unsteady!" he remarked. "How much have you drunk?"

"Too much," Elrohir replied, rolling his eyes as Elladan staggered with his arm slung around Lindir to sit upon a log.

"Lindir is barely old enough to drink!" Glorfindel looked aghast.

"Don't tell me," Elrohir shrugged. "I wash my hands of them. They will be suffering tomorrow, and they deserve it."

"Elrohir!" Estel tapped his arm to get his attention back.

"Yes?" Elrohir smiled at him. "Sorry, dear, what was it you wanted to tell me?"

"Someone just said that we have folk coming into the valley! They said they were Dwarves!"

"Oh, goodness, not those dratted things," Elladan said from across the clearing, with a look of distaste pulling at his face.

"They are believed to be in the company of Mithrandir," Glorfindel told Elrohir. "I was on my way to inform your father when this one came and demanded that I help him find you." He ruffled Estel's hair fondly, and was rewarded with a glare from the boy. "Would you do me the favour of taking him back to the house for me, please? The party is coming this way, I would like to greet them."

"Oh..." Elrohir looked back at his brother. "I would rather stay and keep an eye on my idiot twin if that is all the same to you. I will greet them."

"Very well," Glorfindel agreed. "Come, Estel, let us get you back to the house and into bed."

"Oh, but I am not tired yet!" the youngster insisted. "I want to see the visitors too."

"You can see them in the morning," Elrohir told him. "Really, go with Glorfindel. Dwarves are a grumpy lot and probably wouldn't wish to be disturbed after travelling."

"His name is Bilbo Baggins," Elrohir heard whispered from behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder to see that one of the elves had climbed a tree to get a better look at the party. "He is a Halfling from the Shire, they have been journeying with Mithrandir though no one is sure why. My cousin saw them on the road but a few days ago."

"Go to bed, dearest," Elrohir insisted again, a little more firmly this time, and stooped to kiss Estel atop the head. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, then," Estel sighed miserably as he was led away by Glorfindel.

"Lindir!" Elrohir cried as the minstrel started to climb another tree. "You are too drunk to be climbing trees, you will break your neck!" He caught Elladan by the back of his tunic before he could follow in suit.

"... a song?" he heard amid a snorted snicker from the branches above his head.

"... like the Dwarves sing. Oh, I am sure I can!"

Before he could do anything to stop it, the voice of Lindir had been raised high in the most ridiculous song yet to grace the face of Arda. Elrohir sighed, wishing that he had traded places with Glorfindel. These dwarves were not going to be happy as it was and already they were becoming visible on the path approaching.

"Well, well!" a voice cried down from the tree. "Just look! Bilbo the hobbit on a pony, my dear! Isn't it delicious!"

"Most astonishing wonderful!" Elladan laughed, pulling free from Elrohir's hand to get a better look at the travellers.

"Oh, will you please try to have a little decorum!" Elrohir hissed at them as Lindir lead them into another song. "If not for your own grace, then try to be hospitable!" Shoving Elladan back and not stopping to help him as he fell onto his backside, Elrohir stepped out onto the path, trying to force the colour down from his face. "Welcome to the valley!" he said a little breathlessly, bowing in greeting to Mithrandir and the eldest of the dwarves.

"Thank you!" the dwarf replied less than graciously, as his cold eyes scanned the trees behind Elrohir.

"You are a little out of your way," Elrohir said quickly, fearing a quarrel. As hastily as he could, he showed them the way towards the house, urging them towards the bonfires and the supper, trusting dwarven greed to speed them on their way away from the heckling.

"Goodnight, Master Elrohir," Mithrandir said with a smirk as he passed him by.

Elrohir gave a small smile to him, and then looked to the Halfling as he dismounted his pony with no small amount of squirming and wriggling. "Would you like any help, Mr Baggins?" he asked.

"Er, no, no thank you, I think I can manage!" the hobbit replied as he landed awkwardly on his feet with a small squeak. "Thank you, though! Um... goodnight!"

"Goodnight," Elrohir bid him as he watched him follow the others along the path. What were they all about? It was not at all uncommon for Mithrandir to be journeying with Dwarves, or with a Halfling for that matter, but why such a great number of Dwarves, and why did they have such a hapless looking little hobbit with them? Oh, such matters could wait until the morning. "Come, you!" He stepped back into the trees and hoisted Elladan to his feet. "Elladan, please!" he snapped at him as he hauled him upright as he tried to fall again. "Home now, yes?"

"If I must," Elladan grumbled, leaning against him.

"Yes, you must!" Elrohir stressed, taking his brother's arm firmly and leading him further into the trees to find a longer path to take them back to the house, lest they run into the dwarves on the way. The rest of the elves could get on with it for now, but he would not have his name or his brother's name included in the list of the guilty come morning.

-------

"I have never seen one of those before," Estel whispered to Elrohir as they stood together before the door of the dining hall the next morning.

"Those are dwarves, dear," Elrohir told the boy as he stared with wide eyes at all thirteen of them seated at the table. "They are not so uncommon, but rarely seen around these parts." That made him wonder again what in the world was going on with these folk, he would have to ask his father about it later. "They are fairly decent folk, insular and materialistic, and more than a little uncouth, and not very patient so be sure to mind your manners with them. Elves and dwarves do not often get along, I am afraid to say, but let us see if we can overcome that and be polite."

Estel looked worried. "Do I have to talk to them?"

"Perhaps later. It's best we let them eat and rest for now. Come, I will introduce you to Mithrandir."

"Lord Glorfindel said that he is a wizard!" Estel whispered as he followed Elrohir into the room.

"Yes, he is," Elrohir told him, pushing him in front as he approached Mithrandir who was sitting on a window ledge smoking a long pipe. "Good morning," he said to him. "I trust you slept well."

"Eventually," the old dwarf huffed from the table where he was eating.

"Well enough, yes," Mithrandir replied, shaking his head a little at the dwarf. "Ah, who is this fellow?" he held out a hand to Estel.

"This is Estel," Elrohir told him. "Estel, meet Mithrandir, known to Men as Gandalf the Grey."

"Pleased to meet you, sir," Estel bowed. "Are you really a wizard?"

Mithrandir laughed aloud. "Well, yes, I am!" he said.

"Estel, don't pester the guests before they have rested properly," Elrond scolded from across the room.

"Oh, hush, he is no trouble!" Mithrandir waved a hand at Elrond and shifted to make room for Estel to sit beside him on the window ledge. "Where is your brother, Elrohir? I was hoping to see both of you this morning."

"Still abed, I am afraid," Elrohir cringed.

"Mm," Gandalf smiled a little, then blew a smoke ring from his pipe. "I thought I heard his voice in the trees last night."

"I am so sorry about that!" Elrohir said earnestly, but quietly enough for his father not to hear. "That was so rude of them!"

"They'll forget it soon enough," Gandalf assured him, nodding towards the Dwarves. "I suggest you do the same, if you were no part of it." He smiled kindly and turned back to Estel. "Now, Elrohir tells me that you have never met a Hobbit?"

"No, never, sir," Estel replied.

"That will soon change, then," Gandalf rose to his feet and held a hand out to the boy. "Hobbits have a terrific appetite for food, but Mr Baggins also has a terrific habit for staying in bed too late. I would hate for him to miss the breakfast. Would you help me wake him?"

Estel followed him out of the room. "How does one wake a Hobbit?" he asked.

"Oh, fear not, Mr Baggins is a most good-tempered person..."

Elrohir smiled after them and inched warily past the dwarves to sit beside his father. "That child makes a new friend every day, it seems!" he said brightly, but the look on his father's face soon changed his mood. "Why the troubled face?" he asked a little nervously, feeling like a child again. The dwarves had probably already complained about the heckling.

"Mithrandir told me news from the White Council," Elrond said quietly to him.

"Is it bad?" Elrohir asked quickly, his heart seeming to stop for a beat.

"It could be," was the only answer his father would give. "Keep an especially close watch on Estel for me, Elrohir. Things are moving."


	15. Part 15

**PART FIFTEEN**

Nearly a year had turned before Estel was to see the hobbit again. He returned quite unexpectedly one evening accompanied by Mithrandir, with a hundred or more tales of his adventures that he was very eager to tell, and Estel was very eager to listen to.

He had sat beside Mr Baggins every evening for supper and listened to his stories of goblins, spiders, eagles, and of course the dragon. Bilbo had spoken very cautiously of the behaviour of the elves from the eastern realm of Mirkwood, and though Lord Elrond had not seemed surprised at the treatment of the Dwarves, Estel had been appalled. He had heard the Mirkwood elves were not as civilised as the people of Imladris were, but he had never expected that!

Elrohir of course had taken the opportunity to give him a good lecture on prejudice and acceptance, but he more than suspected that his foster brother agreed with him on the matter. Elrohir had reminded him that it was not their business and nothing for them to bring up in any potential meeting with Mirkwood elves, but Estel could not help but feel angry with King Thranduil. It was no way for a king to behave, he thought.

Bilbo seemed to have forgiven and forgotten all in the face of the battle, however, and said that King Thranduil would forever be his friend and ally.

How one halfling could change so much within the space of a year was beyond Estel. Mr Baggins had come back with far more courage and stamina than the nervous little thing that had left Imladris the summer before.

"My, my, Estel! Let me have a proper look at you, my boy!" the hobbit cried as they met in the garden early one afternoon. "You have got very tall since our last meeting!"

"Why, yes, I suppose I have!" Estel laughed. He certainly felt taller standing next to Bilbo than he had a year earlier. "How are you feeling today, Mr Baggins?" he asked as they walked side by side through the shrubs. "Better, I hope?"

"Much better!" Bilbo told him. "This place does wonders for ill health and heavy hearts. I think I shall be ready to move on towards home quite soon."

"Oh." Estel could not help but feel disappointed. He had grown very fond of the hobbit.

"I thought you might stay a little longer. I suppose I would want to get home too. But please come and see us again sometime."

Bilbo laughed and patted his shoulder. "I certainly will!" he said. "I intend to write a book about my adventures, you know. I will come back and show it to you, when it is finished."

Estel beamed. "I would like that very much." He smiled and glanced at Bilbo then looked away into the trees. Something inside him felt very sad, and he was sure it wasn't just the knowledge of Mr Baggins leaving. Something about the hobbit's tales made him very melancholy, and he wasn't sure why. "I wonder if one day I might have stories to tell of great things," he voiced his feeling as well as he could.

"I am sure you will," Bilbo assured him.

"I hardly see how, though," Estel said softly. "Lord Elrond and my brothers keep an annoyingly close watch on me, I don't see that I will ever be allowed to do anything by myself."

Bilbo laid a hand against his arm and stopped. "Let's sit down," he suggested. "It's a nice day for sitting in the gardens, isn't it?"

"Of course." Estel led him to a stone bench beneath a large tree. "There's a nice place to sit in the shade here."

"Ah, I could never get tired of living here, but I do miss my dear hobbit hole!" Bilbo followed him to sit. "You seem a little unhappy, if I may say so," he added carefully. "Is something bothering you?"

Unhappy certainly wasn't the word for it, but neither could Estel think of another word. He wasn't even troubled, it wasn't as bad as that, and it wasn't sudden. It was nothing to do with Mr Baggins coming or going, the feeling had been building for quite some time. He wished he could put a name to it. Confused, perhaps.

"It seems to me that someone in this house is always keeping something from me," he told Bilbo. "I cannot say what it is, it is nothing anyone has said, it's not even anything they haven't said, it's just a feeling."

So often he caught Lord Elrond and his mother talking privately, or his brothers, or Lord Glorfindel or Erestor, only for a heavy wall of silence to go up when his presence was realised. Lord Elrond and Mithrandir had done nothing but talk in secret the past few days. It felt to him like something was going on, something bad, and no amount of reassurance from his adopted family could make him feel otherwise.

It was nothing new, he had come to realise quite quickly. Thoughts came back to him of many whispered conversations all through his childhood, disagreements between Elladan and Lord Elrond, arguments between his brothers, hostility between Elladan and Lord Glorfindel, all of which seemed to have been resolved long ago, things which were surely none of his business, but he still felt like he was never allowed to know anything.

"Why must I still be treated like I am six years old?" he sighed.

"You are still very young," Bilbo told him, and Estel prepared to be annoyed but those words didn't sound at all as patronising from the hobbit as they usually did from anyone else. "But you are growing up, very quickly in fact, and one day soon you will be able to show them that. Remember that they are elves, and while they may have known a lot of men-folk, it is still not common to them."

"It isn't just the elves though," Estel said. "It is my mother too. Sometimes I think she's the worst." He shrugged. "Perhaps I am being presumptuous, I am sure whatever they have to talk about is nothing to do with me at all, but I still feel like I am being excluded from something that concerns me."

"I am sure it will become clear in time." Bilbo smiled kindly at him. "There will be plenty of time to be concerned with adult's troubles when you are a man. For now you are still a child, you should enjoy the time to be free of worry while you can. Trust me, it will be gone all too quickly."

Estel forced a smile. Bilbo was right, of course, adults of any race were always right. It still wasn't any help to him though. "I wonder what I will do with my life." As adult life was apparently in such a hurry to get him, he figured he should be thinking about it at least. "I am expected to become a ranger, and I think I might be content with that. But all the people I know have done such great things. I would love to see the world as you have, and do something that folk will talk about and want to hear about."

"There is plenty of time for that!" Bilbo cried. "Estel, you are from a long-living race, you have so much time before you! Look at me, I never thought I'd do anything, I never wanted to, and then one day! Whoosh! There I was, in the middle of someone else's adventure! Don't ask for anything too soon. One day you will find yourself wishing to be comfortable at home again."

"And then perhaps I will have secrets to keep from others," he muttered.

"Oh, secrets are bothersome things. And very heavy to bear." The hobbit's round face regarded him for a long moment then a mischievous grin started to pull at his mouth. "However... if you would like to keep a secret for me, I will share it with you."

"Oh?" Estel looked intrigued. "And what might that be?" Before he could receive an answer, Bilbo had disappeared from before his very eyes. "Mr Baggins!" He jumped from the bench in shock. "Mr Baggins, where are you!" He glanced around anxiously. Where had he gone! He'd been sitting right there! Had something spirited him away! No, that was a ridiculous thought, they were perfectly safe in Imladris. There had to be another explanation.

Soon one became apparent. Estel watched footprints appear lightly in the dry grass, and a flower was pulled from one of the hedges and placed before his nose.

"Mr Baggins!" He began to laugh. "What are you about? Ooh!" He started as the hobbit appeared before him again, laughing loudly. "How did you do that!" he gasped.

"Well..." Bilbo sat back upon the bench again. "There is a little more to the tale of the creature Gollum in the caves of the goblins. While I was there, I got away with this." He revealed a simple golden ring in the palm of his hand.

"Oh..." Estel stared at it, transfixed. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it, it was not adorned with jewels, nor was it shiny, but something about it made him rather uneasy in the pit of his stomach. "W-what is it?"

"It's a ring, of course," Bilbo replied, laughing. "It has the power to make one invisible. I can tell you, it got me out of a lot of scrapes. But please don't breathe a word of it to anyone, there are some that would not approve."

"You have my word. But why not?" Estel asked softly, still staring at the ring in the hobbit's hand. "It seems harmless enough to me."

"Still..." Bilbo shrugged. "I wouldn't want anyone to confiscate it, I might need it to avoid gossiping neighbours when I get back home." He grinned and hopped to his feet to pop the ring back into his waistcoat pocket but it dropped from his hand. "Oh, bother! Now where did that go?"

"I'll get it for you!" Estel swiftly crouched to the floor to rummage in the grass. "Ah, I see it." He reached for the piece of gold he could see glowing amongst the green blades, reflecting in the sunlight.

"Estel..."

Someone called his name, as if from afar, but he paid no heed to it. A strange feeling had come over him, rooting him to the spot, making him unable to look away from the ring, but unable to pick it up either.

"Estel..."

He stared at the ring, his fingers trembling, not even trying to fight the paralysis that had taken hold of him. It didn't feel as strange as it should.

"Ah! I've got it!" Bilbo's hand suddenly reached in and snatched up the ring. "As you were, dear boy, as you were." He tucked it safely back into his pocket.

"Estel!" a voice called firmly.

Shaking himself, Estel stood up and turned to find his mother standing on the path. "Yes?" he panted, swallowing. "Sorry?"

"It is time for dinner," Gilraen told him, holding out a hand to him. "Come and wash."

"I have to go," he said to Bilbo, shivering a little for some strange reason. "I will perhaps see you later at supper?"

"Certainly!" the hobbit replied brightly, though Estel could not help that he looked a little uneasy and that his hand had not left his pocket since depositing the ring there. "Perhaps I shall tell you some more things about the dragon."

"That would be wonderful. I look forward to it," he smiled at the hobbit then ran to catch up with his mother.

"Good day, Mr Baggins," Gilraen called back to Bilbo, and he raised his hand in greeting. "Did you have a nice chat with Mr Baggins?" she asked Estel, putting an arm around his shoulders as they walked back to the house.

"Yes," he replied, smiling up at her and leaning into her side slightly. He felt slightly dizzy, like he wanted to lie down. It was probably hunger, he would feel better after dinner. And the day was rather hot.

"Are you all right?" Gilraen asked him, brushing a lock of hair from his eyes. "You look a little pale."

"I am fine," he told her. But he didn't feel altogether fine. Something had awoken at the back of his mind for a moment, something from a dream he had suffered as a very small child, but he could not place what it was.


	16. Part 16

**PART SIXTEEN**

"Yes! That's good!" Elladan cried as he landed heavily on his back in the grass. "Now you are getting the hang of it!"

"It gets easier!" Estel looked down at him triumphantly. "In a few years, Elladan, I will probably be bigger than you."

"That I do not doubt," Elladan said, smiling up at him and aiming a playful slap at the back of Estel's leg. "But I think we have had enough for today." He had been teaching Estel how to fight and the morning had sped along very quickly.

"If you say so," Estel shrugged, extending a hand to him. "I could personally go on a while longer."

"You would regret it tomorrow, I don't want you unable to move when you wake up." Elladan took his hand and stood up, immediately righting himself and turning quickly to throw Estel over his shoulder. "Where a man has the advantage of weight, an Elf has the advantage of speed and agility," he said to the boy as he lay prone and winded. "It would pay you to remember that before you get too sure of yourself, you arrogant brat!" He repaid Estel with a smirk, then turned to see Elrohir standing on the terrace overlooking the garden, no doubt about to tell him off for being rough.

Elrohir always told him he was too rough with Estel, but he hardly saw how the boy could learn to defend himself if they handled him with soft gloves. Soon they would be teaching him how to use a sword. What would Elrohir do then? Teach him with a peacock feather rather than a blade?

A boy could not grow into a man without gaining a few bruises, Elladan thought, and he had told his brother so. Elrond did not disagree with him, though he had been a little severe when Estel had come back from a training session with a bleeding nose.

Elrohir didn't seem to see that soon Estel would need to know how to take care of himself, he would be grown up and he would be leaving them. Or perhaps Elrohir just did not want to see. He was very fond of their little charge.

However much anyone disliked the thought, Estel was not a baby anymore. He was growing up very quickly, and the next few years would be the making of him. He had turned thirteen that spring. He had grown a good foot in just two seasons and his voice was subtly deepening. Elladan was trying not to miss the sound of the shrill, childlike piping. He would not become as sentimental as his twin, it was stupid!

"Elladan," Elrohir called to him, looking a little troubled. "Father has requested that we do something for him."

"Oh, and what is that?" Elladan swallowed heavily as he saw a black leather bound book in Elrohir's hands. He should have been expecting that, really. "Oh, dear..." Glancing back at Estel to make sure that he was all right, he walked up the steps to his twin's side and took the book from him to examine the cover and make sure it was indeed what he thought it was. "He wants us to?"

"I am afraid so," Elrohir nodded solemnly, frowning a little as Estel finally picked himself up off the floor and dusted himself down. Apparently he was too bothered by their mission to chastise Elladan for it.

"Us!" Elladan shook his head and laughed. "Dear Eru, what is he asking for!" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Does he never do this himself? He had Glorfindel do it with us."

"I know." Elrohir took the book back and gave him an encouraging little smile. "But it had to be done sooner or later. We should be honoured that it is us to do it."

"I suppose." Elladan looked down to Estel, who was looking at them like he was trying to discern what they were saying. He probably felt talked about. "He's really growing up now, isn't he?" he said, feeling sadder than he had expected to. Ah, how foolish! It had to happen! And he hated children anyway!

"He certainly is," Elrohir agreed with a faint smile. "Estel, dear, would you come with us for a while, please? We need to talk to you about something."

"Now!" Elladan hissed. "Oh, Elrohir, I hardly think I am ready for this!" He should have at least had a moment to think of what to say. He had never been set a task quite like this before. Teaching a thirteen year old human boy how to fight was one thing, teaching him the facts of life was quite another!

"Hush," Elrohir said as Estel approached them, looking slightly worried. "Now take that face away," he said to the boy. "You are not in trouble, it is just that the time has come for Elladan and I to tell you about some things. Let us go somewhere quieter, perhaps by the fountains?"

---------

Somewhere near two hours later, Elladan found himself feeling rather hot under the collar. So many times he had thought back with amusement on the discomfort of Glorfindel when he had had the job of educating the young twins on such matters, but he would never do that again!

For the most part he had let Elrohir do the explaining, and he thought that he would never live it down. Elrohir was always so good at things like that. Ever since Estel had been a baby, Elrohir had been able to find the answers to the most inane questions, while Elladan had never known what to say.

After leaving Elrohir's side to sit at the other side of the fountain, Elladan decided to get up and leave them to it altogether. He was doing no good at all. Estel naturally had so many questions to ask, and Elrohir was doing more than a good enough job of answering them. All Elladan could do was stutter and get embarrassed, and he resented himself for it. He would be better in the house, out of the way.

Elrohir had always been so patient with Estel, so affectionate and open. Estel had always chosen Elrohir to tell his woes to and while Elladan had not the slightest wish to listen to a child's whinging, he sometimes wished that he had the gift that Elrohir did. There was surely something inside every person that wanted the love of a child, even if they did not like them that much.

He had never felt needed by Estel. Elrohir could offer the child everything that one could want in an elder brother. It was only over the past few months, since Elrond had decided it was time to train Estel in combat, that Elladan had felt remotely useful. He was certainly good with fists and weapons, just not with words. He never knew what to talk about when he was with Estel. There were such things one could not say to a child, and he never knew what children wanted to talk about. Elrohir always seemed to.

Perhaps it was just human children, for he had not found Arwen half as much trouble when she had been little. Or perhaps that was because he had not been so very old himself then. He had never felt old, not up against someone like his father or Glorfindel, but Estel made him feel ancient!

He hoped that now Estel was getting older that they could become closer, and he would be able to play a part in making this boy into a great man, and hopefully a great king. Relations had certainly improved between himself and Estel since the boy had begun to journey into his adolescence, but they were a long way from being friends in the way Estel and Elrohir were.

He supposed he had himself to blame. He had not given Estel the best first impression of himself, and had done nothing to earn his love in his early years, but he had done everything he could to make up for it since he had bettered himself. Why was it not enough?

He climbed the stairs to a veranda overlooking the courtyard and threw himself down onto a couch, closing his eyes against the harsh glare of the autumn sunlight. Why was he feeling so useless? He wished he didn't. He wished he didn't feel like he had to have Estel's favour. He wanted to tell himself that it was just vanity and arrogance, that he just wanted to have his name in the speeches when Estel was one day made king, but it was more personal than that.

"Why did you leave?" a voice asked quietly before him, and he opened his eyes to find Estel standing upon the steps.

"I didn't think my presence was required," Elladan replied, sounding more bitter than he intended to.

Estel narrowed his eyes at him and chewed on his lip, shuffling from one foot to the other and casting his eyes down before he finally spoke what was on his mind. "You have never really liked me much, have you?"

"What?" Elladan sat up to look at Estel, extremely put aback by the question. For all the thoughts that had just been going through his mind, he had not expected that question."Don't be silly, of course I like you! What makes you say something like that?" It seemed most random!

"Oh, I don't know," Estel said, walking forward to sit on the couch beside him. "Sometimes it seems like you can't wait to get away from me."

"Now that is nonsense!" Elladan told him, feeling a little sick inside. Did Estel honestly feel that way? Had he felt that way all these years? And why was he only voicing it now? "I wasn't trying to get away from you just now, Estel. I was just..." He could feel himself colouring up right to the tips of his ears just with the memory of it. "Oh, I just didn't know how to handle all... that. And Elrohir seemed to be doing a good enough job of it by himself."

"You?" Estel snorted, his eyes brightening again for a moment. "Embarrassed?"

"I can be sometimes," Elladan replied stiffly. "But never think I don't like you. You are my brother."

Estel looked at him earnestly. "Am I?" he whispered.

"Oh, of course you are!" He took Estel's hands and turned his head to look him in the eyes. "Look, I know things have not always been so good between us in the past. Now you are old enough to understand, I can honestly say there have been times when I have damn well resented you." He winced as Estel looked hurt. He really was no good with words. "But that was due to me being stupid, it had nothing whatsoever to do with you. I hope that is all behind us now. I hoped that it was all behind us years ago."

Grey eyes regarded Elladan with distress and confusion, masked by a proud face, and the hands within his own tensed. "Why would you resent me?" Estel whispered.

Elladan sighed. Now wasn't that a question to answer. However he answered it, he could not avoid seeming foolish and infantile. "You have my father's favour," he said, cringing slightly. "For a long time, I did not. I was jealous."

Estel nodded slowly and swallowed. "I remember vaguely how things were not always well between you and Lord Elrond," he said cautiously. "What was wrong? Was it because of me?"

"No, goodness no!" Elladan assured him. "It has nothing to do with you, it goes back a very long way. It is a long story, and one I do not care to tell. All you need to know is that it is resolved now. Things are as well between my father and I as they are ever likely to be." He smiled weakly at the boy. Things would never be perfect between himself and Elrond. They would never be able to truthfully be a happy family, there were just some things that time and words could not heal, but things were as good as they could be. He and his father did not speak cruel words to each other anymore, Elladan did not feel the need to wound Elrond with quarrels of the past, and Elrond did seem to care about his firstborn. It was more than anyone could have hoped for, and Elladan was no longer resentful of Estel. At least, not so much that he couldn't ignore it.

"If you say so," Estel mumbled, pulling his hands free.

"Sometimes I feel like you don't altogether like me," Elladan said, before any more questions could be asked about his relationship with his father. He could not tell Estel about that, Elrond had forbidden it and Elladan would not disobey that order. Estel was too young to know about his affair with Elrohir. Perhaps one day when he was older he would flout his father's rules, but that would not be for many years yet.

"Well, that is ridiculous!" Estel cried, cringing as his adolescent voice cracked. "I have always liked you," he continued in a quieter manner. "I have wanted nothing more all my life than for you to like me."

Elladan stared at him. Had it all honestly wounded Estel that much? He had never thought that his love had been that important to him. "Never think that I dislike you," he said. "I might have an odd way of showing it sometimes, but I do like you very much. I'm just not very good with children."

Estel's back stiffened and he stuck out his chin. "I am not a child!"

"No, you are growing up." Elladan smiled at the youngster's indignity and reached to softly run a hand through Estel's hair. "You are becoming a young man, and as you are I am finding more and more to love about you every day." He shifted closer to slip an arm about Estel's shoulders and was relieved when his embrace was not turned away. "There are some things that we have never spoken about, and perhaps we should." He had avoided talking about it for years, using the excuse that Estel was too young to understand it, but it had always been a canker in his conscience. "When you were a small child, there were times when I was not at all nice to you. One night you nearly suffered a fatal accident because of my harsh words."

"The night I fell in the Bruinen?" Estel whispered. "I never told anybody what happened between you and I."

"I thank you for that. I did not deserve your silence." Elladan swallowed a thick lump of guilt. He had half hoped that Estel would not even remember the event. "At the time, I was not myself, I was not well, I had a lot of problems that had nothing to do with you. I was aggrieved for my mother, I was arguing with my father, I felt like you were threatening to take the remainder of my family from me." He wiped his eye quickly as a tear rolled from it unbidden. He would not let a child see him cry. "It was childish and horrible of me to be so selfish when you were just a baby and your world had fallen. I acted wrongly, and I can only ask your forgiveness for it."

"I forgive you." Estel turned to wrap both arms around Elladan's shoulders and he squeezed him tightly before moving back to lay a kiss on his cheek. "I always did."

"Thank you," Elladan said in a choked voice a little louder than a whisper. One day this compassionate boy who was already too mature for his years would be the leader of great people, he could feel it in his heart. "You are my brother, Estel. I will always be honoured to call you that."

"I will always be honoured to be your brother," Estel said with a smile. "And let us ever be friends."

"Yes," Elladan agreed, feeling a smile tugging at his lips, though he would not allow himself to beam over a child. "Have you finished your talk with Elrohir?"

"I..." Estel looked bashful. "I am not entirely sure."

"I suppose it is a lot to take in." Elladan could not really remember his own experience, only that Glorfindel had been terribly awkward and had just left them with the book to study. Perhaps it explained a lot, he thought with a wry smile. "Estel, if you want to, you can talk to either of us about anything, I hope you know that. I may not be that best person at giving advice but... well, just know that you can talk to me, should you want to. I don't mind."

Estel nodded slowly, a faint blush coming over his cheeks. "Thank you."

"Well... Good." Elladan rose from his couch and smiled uneasily. "Off you go then, I am sure Elrohir would love to talk on about it for a while longer."


	17. Part 17

**PART SEVENTEEN**

"It looks effeminate!" Estel tried to struggle away as Elladan's hands fought to braid his long hair. "Oww!"

Elladan gave the locks another particularly hard yank and grabbed the youth by the arm to pull him back. "Are you saying I look effeminate?"

"Yes!" Estel laughed, stumbling to sit on the edge of his bed beside Elladan. "Oww! You're hurting me!"

"Don't be impertinent! And hold still! I wouldn't be hurting you if you would only stop fidgeting!"

Elrohir watched from over the top of his book with a small smile on his lips as his twin and his foster brother bickered. He didn't envy Elladan the job, he had to admit to himself. Estel had got rather wilful as he had got older. Sometimes Elrohir could hardly recognise the shy little boy that had come into their home thirteen years before. In just a few years Estel would be of age, and Elrohir wished he could slow time.

He loved Estel as a young man every bit as much as he had loved him as a child, and the boy had swiftly become their friend as well as their little brother, but Elrohir missed caring for him. Estel had become so independent.

He had been spending a lot of time with his friend Halbarad, a boy of the Dúnedain who was the same age. It was good for him, Elrohir kept telling himself, Estel needed contact with his own kind, with someone of his own age. But that didn't stop him worrying every time the two boys rode out into the woods alone. Anything could happen to them!

But they had both been trained in combat, Estel was marvellous with a sword now, and nothing inside the realm could harm them. But if they decided to leave the path and go out into the hills... Oh, it didn't bear thinking about!

Of course, Estel would not have liked it if Elrohir had voiced his fears, so he kept his mouth shut and worried in silence. He had to stop being such a mother hen, Elladan had told him so on many an occasion. They would be fine.

"There. You're done." Elladan finally tied off the braid with a leather strap. "And don't blame me if anything is uneven, it's your own fault for squirming about so much!"

Estel huffed and got up to look in the mirror. "I still don't see what's the point in this hair-do," he said, pulling a face. "You don't have to make me look just like you."

"That is not the point at all, dear," Elrohir told him, putting down his book and rising from the couch. For some reason, that remark hurt a little. "But when you are in the wild it is important to keep your hair back, otherwise it will blind you, or get something tangled in it."

"Taking a ride into the woods with Halbarad is hardly 'going into the wild'!" Estel argued.

"Besides," Elladan added. "It keeps it cleaner. Really, Estel, you are turning into such a scruffy human thing."

"Well, I am a human thing, scruffy or otherwise," Estel muttered, tucking a stray lock of shorter hair behind his ear.

"Still, if you won't have a haircut then at least do something with it," Elladan said, rising from the bed and putting the hairbrush back on the cluttered dressing table. "And have a shave once in a while. It can hardly hurt."

"Oh, you sound like my mother!" Estel tugged at the braid in his hair and ran his hand across the scant beard on his jaw. "There's nothing wrong with me. Can I go now?"

"If you are ready," Elrohir said, raising a hand to Elladan to silence him.

"Well, I don't know! Am I?" Estel turned to them looking irate.

"Estel," Elrohir said calmly. "That will do, simmer down."

Estel sighed and smiled faintly at both of them, looking like he wanted to say a lot more. "Can I go now?"

"I think you might be just about decent enough to, yes." Elladan squeezed him and tugged at his hair, laughing as Estel swatted at him. "Off you go. Have fun."

"Take some lunch!" Elrohir called after him.

"I have some!" Estel shouted back as he was already half way out of the door.

"And be careful!"

The door slammed shut a little harder than it needed to.

"Oh my!" Elrohir sighed, flopping back onto the couch. "I had forgotten how moody teenage boys could be!"

"He'll be fine, stop bothering him," Elladan told him with a smile, running a hand through his hair. "My love, he is fifteen years old. He can take care of himself. It is not like he's going far. You must stop fretting."

"Oh, I know," Elrohir sighed, taking Elladan's hand and kissing it lightly before rising to his feet again. "But he is so stubborn! I don't trust him not to leave the path!" He lifted a pair of muddy leggings from the jumbled pile of clothes on the floor and separated them to be washed.

"Then don't give him the idea to leave the path," Elladan laughed. "Elrohir, the quickest way to get a boy of that age to do something is to tell him not to." He snatched a shirt from his brother's hands and dropped it back to the floor. "And do leave that alone."

"But it is a terrible mess in here!" Elrohir cried, looking around at the piles of clothes and books and the unmade bed.

"Yes, it may be," Elladan said, taking him by the shoulders and steering him out of the room. "But it is his mess."

"Still---" Elrohir began to protest. When did Elladan get more understanding of Estel than himself?

"Still, he will tidy it himself when he has nothing left to wear," Elladan interrupted, closing the door behind them. "Now let's get out of here. I know how much I hate people being in my room when I am not there."


	18. Part 18

**PART EIGHTEEN**

How did something so good turn into something so horrid and terrifying in so few minutes, Estel kept wondering as he lay back into the hot bath, wincing as the water touched the grazes on his side.

Three hours earlier, he had been sitting up in the foothills beside a camp-fire with Halbarad and Elrohir and Elladan, eating toast while looking at the stars and hearing tales of the twins' grandfather Eärendil. As a treat for Estel's sixteenth birthday, Elrond and Gilraen had given permission for him to go, and Glorfindel had scouted ahead earlier in the day to make sure it was safe, so they had not thought to be worried about anything happening.

Still, something had happened, something Estel had not been at all prepared for, despite all his training in combat. As he had been dozing off to sleep, twenty or so orcs had come down into the clearing and attacked them. Outnumbered, they had had no choice but to flee.

Elladan's horse had been killed, Halbarad was being treated for a broken arm, and Elladan himself had seemed very distressed at having to retreat. Estel knew how much it meant to both twins to run away from the orcs, but Elladan always took things more personally. He had heard of the torture of Celebrían from many different people, yet he could never understand why Elladan burdened himself with such personal responsibility for what had happened to her. He supposed that was another one of those things that he would never know about.

"Estel?" Elrohir's voice came at the door. "Can I come in?"

Estel sat up again and pushed his wet hair back from his face. "Of course you can."

Elrohir pushed the door open and stepped into the candlelit room. "I won't disturb you," he said. "I just came to see if you are all right."

"I will live," Estel nodded, forcing a smile. In truth, he felt far from all right. In truth, he had never felt more shaken up, and he had not in several years felt more of an urge to burst into tears. He had never been more terrified in his life, and had honestly thought that they might all have been killed. It had also brought back a long-forgotten memory to him, and he was not sure if he should talk about it, or even how to talk about it. "How is Elladan?" he asked.

"I think he's all right," Elrohir replied, closing the door and leaning back against it. He looked tired and troubled, and he had a cut across his cheek. "He's gone out for a walk, it's best to give him space when he's like this. Don't worry, I would know if something was badly wrong with him."

Estel nodded slowly. "I think I understand a little better why you do what you do, hunting orcs like that, I mean," he said. "Now I know what... what did that to your mother…" he pressed very carefully, not wanting to upset Elrohir.

"Hush, Estel, that is not your concern," Elrohir said softly, crossing the room to him and crouching beside the bathtub. "Would you let me look at those wounds? Why didn't you tell Father you had been hurt?"

"It is just a scratch, it happened when I fell over on the rocks." Estel steeled himself as Elrohir wiped at the wounds with a soft washcloth. "Such creatures killed my father, didn't they?" he whispered, turning to look at Elrohir so he could not avoid answering the question.

Elrohir's eyes widened. "You remember that? You were only a baby when it happened."

"I didn't remember. But it made me remember." He remembered a time when he had known what had happened to his father, but he could barely remember the man's face or a time when he had not lived in the care of Elrond. "Did you know my father, Elrohir?"

"Yes," Elrohir said, looking a little sad. "I knew him well."

"How did he die?" Estel questioned further. He would get some answers tonight, he was determined. Everybody always avoided speaking of his father around him, but he would not let that happen now. He deserved to know.

"He was hunting orcs," Elrohir said heavily. "He was shot through the eye with an arrow. It killed him instantly, it was very fast, he would not have known anything about it."

"I see." Estel swallowed and looked into the water, poking a bubble with his fingers. It was apparent that Elrohir felt some guilt for his father's death, Elrohir's feelings always showed in his eyes. "Were you with him when he died?"

"Yes, I was." Elrohir looked down at the floor with glassy eyes. "He was hunting with Elladan and I. He often did. He was a great hunter, and a great man."

Estel felt tears in his eyes though he could not say why. If he did not remember his father, he could hardly miss him, could he? "He could not have been that great," he whispered.

"Oh, he was!" Elrohir assured him quickly.

"Then why all the secrecy?" Estel demanded. "I do not even know who he was! I do not know his name! Sometimes…" He sniffed and wiped at his tears, knowing that the argument was futile. "Sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am."

As he had expected, the age-old answer came. "Estel, do not ask things that I cannot answer yet."

"When can you answer?"

Elrohir shifted back and stood up. "In time."

"How much time?"

"I don't know." Elrohir was backing towards the door slowly. "When you are older."

Estel punched the side of the tub in frustration. "I am old enough now!"

"No, Estel, you are not," Elrohir said firmly, flinching a little. "You are not of age yet, however grown up you may feel. You still need us to care for you, don't you? That much was proven today. And I mean that without disrespect. It is just a fact. I know it seems a long time, but you will be grown before you know it - and longing to be a child again!"

Estel rolled his eyes. "That I doubt greatly." He had been told that many times for many years, it seemed. Why were so many things kept from him? It did not make sense. Elrohir said his father was a great man, and he would not lie, he was no good at lying anyway, so why was it such a mystery?

"Your father was a great man, Estel," Elrohir assured him, with his uncanny knack of appearing to be able to read one's mind. "And you will be just as great as he was." He walked back to him and kissed him on the top of his head. "Don't stay in that bath too long, you'll shrivel up!" The smile he gave was forced as he left the room.

Estel rose from the water and wrapped a towel around himself, lifting a small glass bottle of soap angrily and throwing at the door as he heard Elrohir leave his bedchamber. It did not smash.

"Oh, damn you all and all of your secrets!" he muttered as he dried off and put on a clean nightshirt that was hanging on the back of the door. He could not even ask his mother, she was exactly the same, and she seemed almost frightened whenever he asked her such things.

He just had to keep trying to tell himself that he was perhaps better off not knowing.


	19. Part 19

**PART NINETEEN**

"Halbarad's mother has taken him home," Elrond said as he walked into a drawing room where Gilraen, Glorfindel and Erestor were seated around a table. "He seems to be all right. A little shaken up, as is to be expected, but it could have been a lot worse."

"It could have, indeed," Erestor said softly, shivering a little and tugging at the sleeves of his robe. "Something must be done about those orcs first thing tomorrow."

"I have already arranged for a party to go out at dawn," Glorfindel said, rising from the table to pour a drink which he passed to Elrond.

"Did you not scout the area properly?" Erestor asked him.

"Of course I did!" Glorfindel cried.

Elrond looked from the one to the other and sighed. As much as his concern and fear was understandable, there was no need for Erestor to carry on. It had been a very long night and everyone was weary. Glorfindel was obviously distressed, and he did not need to be nagged.

"Hush, Erestor, no one can be expected to climb all the way into the mountains and guard every single path," he said, gratefully taking the wine from Glorfindel as he sat down. "They must have moved closer to the hills. We will send them back again. The boys were very lucky today."

"It is good that the twins were with them," Gilraen said quietly with tears in her eyes. "I could not bear to lose my son as well as..." She closed her eyes to still her sorrow.

Elrond reached across the table to take her hand in his own. "Gilraen, I promised you that no harm would come to Estel here, and that we would protect him, and I do not intend to break that oath."

He could tell that she was thinking of Arathorn's death, and how easily history could have repeated that night. It made Elrond himself feel ill to think on it. Not only could he have lost Estel, but his sons also.

"I only ask for your forgiveness," Glorfindel said to Gilraen. "I feel awfully responsible, it was up to me to make sure it was safe, and I failed."

"Do not take the blame upon yourself," she said. "You did all you could to make sure they would not be in danger. Evil is moving and growing more and more each day, nowhere is safe. It is not your fault."

"This valley is safe," Elrond assured her.

"But we cannot keep Estel in it forever," Erestor put in. "If he is to become chieftain of his people, as his father was before him, then we cannot - and must not - hide him from the troubles of this world. We can protect him while he is young and teach him and train him, but one day soon he will have to face the world alone. No trouble came of today, and for that I am very very thankful, but we can hope that it did some good in showing him what is outside Imladris."

"Yes, thank you, Erestor," Elrond nodded. "I think we are aware of the situation."

Erestor was right, of course, but no one needed to hear it right then. The only thing that mattered at such a small hour of the night was that everyone had escaped the ordeal with their lives. Everything was being done to prepare Estel for the future that awaited him, but that did not mean throwing the boy into the wild just yet. He still had a little of his childhood left, and Elrond wanted him to enjoy it. The poor boy had hardly had the best birthday, though.

The door creaked open and Elrohir stepped into the light coming in from the corridor. "Father? Excuse me," he said. "May I come in?"

Elrond nodded and beckoned him with his hand. He meant to look at the cut on Elrohir's cheek, but he saw that Elrohir had already cleaned it up himself.

"Of course, Elrohir, you do not have to ask!" Gilraen rose from her chair and approached him, taking his hands. "Is Estel all right?"

"He is not hurt, I checked him over." Elrohir embraced her gently and kissed her on the cheek before entering the room properly and closing the door. "But he has been asking questions about his father," he said quietly. "He remembers how he died."

"What did you tell him?" Erestor asked.

"Well, nothing! I assured him that his father was a great hero but he did not seem to believe me. He said he doesn't feel like he knows who he is." He poured himself some wine and sipped it, a frown marring his face. "This is getting more impossible every day!"

"He is still a child. He cannot know yet," Elrond said, glancing sharply at Erestor before he could put in an objection.

"It is easy for you to say that but you do not suffer as many questions as Elladan and I do!" Elrohir sighed. "I mean no offence, but I keep struggling to find the words to keep lying, and Estel is growing frustrated with it. He needs us, and I do not want to make him angry with us."

"I do not think he is capable of bearing it - physically or emotionally," Gilraen said, raising a hand to silence whatever Erestor was opening his mouth to say. "He has a journey ahead of him yet." She looked at the elves around the table, and for a moment seemed wiser than any of them. "I respect everyone's advice and guidance, and I will be eternally grateful for everything you have done for both my son and myself, but I am his mother. He will be told the truth when I think he is ready for it."

Elrond took another sip of wine and smiled into his goblet. That certainly settled the matter.

"You will find the words, Elrohir," Glorfindel assured him with a kind smile, subsequently changing the subject. "How is your brother? Is he all right?"

"Actually," Elrohir said, looking troubled, "I do not know where he is. He left me earlier, he said he wanted to be alone." He bit his lip and looked down at the floor.

"I will go to find him," Elrond said, rising from the table. "I would like to talk to him." He squeezed Elrohir's shoulder. "Don't worry," he whispered to him. "He will be all right."

Elrohir looked up at him with a weak smile that did not hide his anxiety. "Thank you."

Leaving Elrohir to take his seat at the table, Elrond left the room and walked out into the gardens. He had half a mind to go to see Estel first, but if the child was annoyed now then it was probably best to leave him be to calm down. He would see him tomorrow, it was already very late and Estel would more than likely be asleep.

Finding Elladan was more important at the moment. The last thing he wanted was for Elladan to relapse into the breakdown he had suffered a decade earlier. Elrohir seemed worried, which worried him. He would not make the mistake of neglecting his son's feelings again.

It took him some time to find Elladan. He was not in any of the usual places he went when troubled, but eventually Elrond came upon him in the stables petting the nose of Estel's pony Maermeldir and softly speaking to him. Estel had grown too tall to ride him comfortably, but he was kept as an extremely well-loved pet.

"Elladan?" He announced his presence quietly, walking slowly to his son's side when he did not reply. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," Elladan answered quickly without looking up. "How is Estel?"

"He is fine, your brother has spoken to him." He didn't think it was necessary to tell Elladan of Estel's bad mood. "Elrohir will pick out a new horse for you tomorrow, I am sure," he distracted, reaching over the edge of the stall to stroke Maermeldir's ears.

Elladan nodded mutely, smiling slightly as Maermeldir nuzzled his shoulder.

Elrond regarded him for a moment, wondering what to say to get a response from him. Elladan could be the most stubborn and stoic creature when troubled. It was so difficult to know how to make things right by him when he wouldn't even tell anyone what was wrong.

"Glorfindel is sending a company out after the orcs when it is light," Elrond continued. "I thought you might like to know." It would be light within the hour, he realised. Perhaps he should not have told Elladan, he had not rested since they had got back and he would insist on accompanying the hunting party. "You do not have to go with them," he added quickly, "if you are tired."

"I am quite awake," Elladan answered, patting Maermeldir's neck before turning to go out of the stables. "Thank you for letting me know. I will go and find Glorfindel and see where he wants me."

"Elladan, wait." Elrond caught him by the sleeve to stop him, appearing a little more anxious than he intended. "Wait, please. Talk to me for a moment."

"What about?" Elladan sighed, pulling his arm free. "I said I am fine. I told Elrohir that I was."

"But are you?" Elrond questioned. Did he actually have such need to be concerned? Elladan did seem fine, but with Elladan one could never really tell. "Do not blame me or Elrohir for being a little worried about you. We just don't want to see you make yourself ill again."

He braced himself for Elladan to go into a tirade, but instead Elladan sighed heavily and seated himself upon an upturned box.

"I have never run from them," he whispered, glancing up at his father in a manner that looked very like Elrohir for a second. "I swore that I would fight and kill any orc that ever crossed my path. I swore it in blood. I swore that I would die before I ran."

"Elladan, my son, you had no choice but to run. It was not only your life in danger today, or your brother's." Elrond crouched before him and took hold of his hands. "If you had not retreated then both Estel and Halbarad would have certainly died a most horrible death. I know Celebrían would not have wanted to you to risk your life or theirs. She would have been proud of you today."

"Proud?" Elladan spat, tugging his hands free. "I was a coward!"

"Sometimes it takes much more strength and courage to stand down," Elrond comforted him, stopping him as he rose angrily to his feet, looking like he was going to kick the box. The horses didn't need to be startled. "That is something I have learned, and it is a hard lesson that took me a long time to come to terms with. Be proud of yourself for your actions tonight. Each time you look at Estel, know that it is thanks to your bravery that he lives. I am proud of you, and your mother would be too."

Elladan sighed, the tension leaving him faster than Elrond expected. "It was agony fleeing from them. They jeered at us as we retreated down into the valley. They knew Elrohir and I by name, and I know we will not live that down. I must go with Glorfindel when it is light. I will not have our name maligned."

"As long as you feel up to it," Elrond said, relieved to understand that Elladan was more annoyed and humiliated than distressed. It seemed that he had finally accepted that some things were not in his control.

"I know I had no other choice than to retreat," Elladan continued, balling his fists. "It wasn't even a question, but... Ai! I wish Estel could take care of himself already then we could have fought them!"

"Be patient with him, and train him well, as you have been doing, and in only a few years he will be helping you in your campaign." Elrond shook his head. Elladan had never been very patient, especially not with children. "I thank you for everything you have done for him, Elladan. I know he is a responsibility that you could probably do without."

"He is not so bad," Elladan smiled. "He is bearable now he is grown! No, seriously, I never thought I would come to say it but he is very dear to me. I could not imagine life without him, and I will be honoured to have him fighting at my side one day."

"That day will come sooner than we would care to imagine."

"And he will be ready for it when it comes," Elladan said earnestly. "I personally swear it to you."


	20. Part 20

_**While incest between the twins has been apparent in many chapters of this series, this chapter contains a very mildly graphic display of it. Some people have complained, so I am being compelled to add this specific **__**warning. So... be warned. If you don't like it, just skip past.**_

**PART TWENTY**

"Elladan," Elrohir groaned from beneath his brother as he fell against his back, crushing his face into the pillow. "You are heavy."

"I love you," Elladan whispered in his ear as he rolled from atop him and lay beside him. "Oh, Elrohir, what a task that was to keep silent!"

"I know," Elrohir smiled, rolling over to lie back against Elladan's chest. "You did not succeed in trying to keep silent, anyway."

"You only did because you had the pillow to bite," Elladan teased, and then he grew serious. "You do not think Estel would have heard us, do you?"

They were staying at an Inn in Bree, sent by their father to scout for news. Estel had accompanied them, also at Elrond's bidding, who wished for the young man to be introduced into the ways of a ranger in preparation for his adulthood. He was in a room next to their own, desiring some privacy.

"I doubt it," Elrohir said. "He is probably fast asleep now, he was a little tipsy on that ale."

Elladan sighed, a recurring thought tugging at his mind again. "Do you ever think that we should tell him about us?"

Elrohir turned over and stared at him. "Tell him? Elladan, how on earth would we tell him!"

"I do not know," Elladan said. "But everyone else in the family knows, and Gilraen knows, it seems he is the only one who does not. We are lying to him every day, and I feel uncomfortable that we are keeping this secret from him. I am almost waiting for something to slip and for him to ask about it. Did you hear him this evening! Asking why we must so often share our bed. I stumbled over some excuse about it being an instinct from sleeping closely for safety and warmth in the wild, but the time will come when he will ask more questions. We cannot keep it from him for the rest of his days!"

"Elladan, we cannot just tell him," Elrohir said. "He is only seventeen, he is still too young to understand it and I would not drive a wedge between him and us now. He has only just given up on one set of questions, let's not give him any more! Despite anything else, Father has forbidden us to even hint of our relationship to him."

Elladan nodded in agreement. As much as he hated lying to his foster brother, Elrohir was right. Sometimes he got the feeling that Estel was very alone.

"Did you see him at the tavern tonight, amongst all the human folk? They looked at him like he was something strange, clad in Elf garb and speaking with our accent."

"He looked so uncomfortable," Elrohir concurred. "I did feel bad for him."

"It reminds me of something Glorfindel said a decade ago," Elladan thought aloud. "I wonder when Father will finally choose to tell him the truth?"

Estel had stopped asking questions about himself but it was obvious to anyone who spent a lot of time with him that his curiosity had not waned at all, he had just given up on asking futile questions. Still, Elrond showed no sign of revealing Estel's heritage to him, and Elladan wondered if Estel would be 100 before he knew who he was. It wasn't fair on him. But of course, Elrond knew best, and knew things that even the twins did not.

"I do not think it will be yet," Elrohir said. "Yet I do not think it will be long. Something evil is stirring in the world, Elladan. I can feel it." He looked up anxiously. "Do you feel it too?"

"Yes, I do," Elladan whispered, holding his twin tighter against himself. "I think Father knows more than he would let on." A shadow was forming over the world, anyone could sense that, but the finer details were only known by people such as their father and Mithrandir.

"I think so too, and I do wish he would not keep things from us," Elrohir agreed, shivering a little. "How can we protect Estel if we do not know what we are protecting him from? Did you know he has been having nightmares?"

"He has?" Elladan absently petted Elrohir's hair. He had noticed Estel had been a little disturbed lately but he had not thought on it much. Teenage boys were always disturbed by one thing or another, he figured. He wished now that he had paid more attention.

Elrohir nodded. "Remember how he used to have them as a child?" Then he whispered as if he were afraid someone might hear. "He dreamed of an eye looking for him, and I think he has been having the same dreams again. He slept very fitfully on the journey here. Three nights when you were asleep and I was on watch, I saw him sleep uneasily."

Elladan frowned. It sounded ill indeed, especially matched with his father's recent reticence. "Perhaps we should talk to him about it."

"I did. But he said he remembered nothing of his dreams." Elrohir chewed his lower lip absently, something he had always done when troubled.

Elladan stroked his hair. "You are worried about him, aren't you?"

"I am," he admitted. "I am worried about everything and I do not know why but I cannot help feeling that something awful is going to happen, and Elladan you know what happens when I get these feelings!"

Elladan pulled him down to lie against his shoulder. "I know, love," he kissed his head, "and I do wish you would talk to Father about it. Maybe he could help you develop your gift so it does not put you in such a state."

"If my suspicions are right, Father has more pressing issues on his mind right now."

"Well, let him worry about those," Elladan said through a yawn as he shifted into a more comfortable position, holding Elrohir close to his side. He was more worried than he was prepared to show, but he wanted to calm his twin. He would have a talk with Elrond when they returned to Imladris. This could not go on. He would not have Estel or Elrohir upset by it. "I don't think we need worry too much about Estel right at the moment. Let's just worry about sleep for now, I am exhausted."


	21. Part 21

**PART TWENTY-ONE**

The thought kept returning to Estel that he would be in terrible, terrible trouble if he were caught, but he kept pushing it aside. He was in the stables, having snuck out of his room, and he was with a pretty blonde maiden of his own age. He should not have been there, and he felt awfully guilty for going behind the twins' backs, but she had asked him to and he had not been able to say no.

"What is your name?" she asked him in a whisper as she pulled him by the hand to sit upon a straw bale.

"They call me Estel," he replied, trembling nervously. Even when he had fallen out with his brothers, he had never done anything rebellious and in a way it felt very liberating. They would not find out, there was no harm in it. Wasn't this what every young man of his age was meant to do?

"That is a strange name," she remarked, running one hand into his hair and the other into his shirt.

"It is Elvish," he told her, clenching his own hands upon his knees, lest they strayed. He had the feeling that he was about to be eaten alive, and it terrified him as much as he wanted it. Whatever 'it' might amount to, he wasn't sure yet, but she certainly hadn't invited him here just to talk. He had been watching her all night and lust for her had been burning in his body ever since. He had never felt anything like it.

"And the men you are with, who you call your brothers," she said, "they are elves too. A strange thing this is, a man who thinks he is an Elf. I do not understand it."

"Neither do I," he sighed, unable to contemplate himself for long before her lips met his, taking away all thought. He could not say much more than that to her, anyway, he had been taught to be careful not to reveal their business to anyone under any circumstances, and that was a rule he would not flout.

"So what does Estel mean?"

"It means hope," he told her, gasping as she teased his lips with her tongue.

"Hope?" She slipped his shirt over his head. "Well, what do you hope for?"

Before Estel could think of a possible answer, a bang rattled the door of the stable and a voice that he had been hoping he would not hear called out to him in the Elven tongue.

"Spare us both the embarrassment of me coming in there!"

Groaning with frustration and humiliation, Estel had no choice but to get up. He knew the threat was not empty.

"My brother," he said feebly. "I must go." He pulled his shirt back over his head and stormed out of the barn. He was met by the sight of Elladan, with his arms folded across his chest and anger smouldering in his grey eyes.

"Get back to the Inn, this instant!" Elladan grabbed him by the shoulder and marched him ahead of himself.

"Why did you have to do that!" Estel cried, feeling more ashamed than he ever had in his entire life. She must have thought him a fool, and it was obvious that Elladan did. He was not a fool! He was not a child! He was grown up now, and it was about time that everyone realised that. If they weren't keeping something from him then they were forbidding him to do something.

"How old was that girl?" Elladan demanded. "Is she not the innkeeper's daughter? I came here to have a roof over my head and a bed under my back for the night, not to have my lustful foster brother get us murdered. Her father would have killed you, you realise."

"She said he was blind drunk and asleep," Estel argued in a whisper as Elladan walked him back into the Inn and up the stairs to their rooms.

"And you thought Elrohir and I were fast asleep and we would not catch you," Elladan said harshly. "But I did."

"Yes, you did, curse you!" Estel said through clenched teeth.

"Did you…?" Elladan fought for words. "Please tell me you didn't, Estel."

"I didn't!" he cried with a roll of his eyes. "Dear Valar! I hardly had the chance to lose my shirt, let alone my trousers!"

"Estel…" Elladan sighed as he visibly fought to calm his temper. "Estel, suppose you had. If a woman is old enough to bleed, she is old enough to breed, as some say."

"What is the big problem!" Estel pulled his arm free from Elladan's grasp and turned to go into his bedroom.

Elladan had other ideas and marched him into his and Elrohir's room, where Elrohir was awake and sitting in the chair, looking confused.

"What is going on?" he asked. "Elladan, I wondered where you had got to when I woke."

"I just caught this one in a clinch with the innkeeper's daughter in the stable!" Elladan told him, slamming the door shut and pushing Estel to sit on the bed. "I heard his door close after you had fallen asleep and thought I had better go and see what he was up to."

"Estel, for goodness' sake!" Elrohir cried, staring aghast at him and then at Elladan.

"Why do you feel the need to watch my every move!" Estel rose from the bed. "I am not a child anymore! So what? I lusted after a girl! I am not the first youth to do it, by far. And she wanted me. And I wanted her!"

"Estel, that is enough!" Elladan shouted. "And the big problem is, you cannot go around sowing your seed as you wish! A man has to take responsibility for... things…" his cheeks coloured.

Elrohir smirked a little at his brother's discomfort but remained resolute. "He is right, Estel," he had to back him up. "I will not defend you this time. A man does have to take responsibility. Like knowing control, and learning how to hold back his seed so as not to cast it where it should not go."

"Come! I am not that foolish! I do know where babies come from," Estel ranted, unable to believe that they could think him to be so stupid and childish. They had taught him about such matters, after all, so if he did anything wrong it was their fault. "We were only kissing! I am not about to knock up some innkeeper's daughter. Credit me with a little more responsibility than that. The people of Bree are our friends, and I would not be stupid enough to risk that for my lust. But I wanted a bit of fun. I would have controlled myself, as you said."

"No, dear Estel, I do not think you would have," Elladan said. "Not at your tender age."

"Do not patronise me!" Estel's cheeks coloured and he turned his back. "And do not try to make me think you two are so virtuous!" He turned suddenly on his heels and looked accusingly at his brothers.

"Estel!" Elrohir cried, and looked worriedly at Elladan.

Estel snapped up the chance to accuse them in defence of himself. "I found that girl because I went out for a walk," he said, "as I had been kept awake by the noise coming from in here."

"We made no noise," Elrohir whispered, and then snapped his mouth shut.

"You may as well have screamed out your lust for me to hear, the bed was rattling like a three-wheeled cart!" Estel shouted. "Do not think I do not know what you were at, the pair of you!" He left the sentence hanging for a moment to give them a chance to admit it. Of course, they probably wouldn't.

Elladan paled and dropped to sit at the end of the bed. "What did you hear?"

"You had a whore in here, didn't you?" Estel accused. "Likely that one that was serving you drinks all night. You shared a whore between you and you stand and rebuke me for wanting a bit of fun with a girl!"

"It is different!" Elrohir sighed, looking strangely relieved that the accusation was out. "We are old enough to know what we are doing."

Estel glared at them both, trying not to let the angry tears sting in his eyes. They would never stop treating him like a child, however hard he tried to prove himself as a man.

"Estel," Elladan sighed, rising to take a step towards him. "I am sorry, but please… do have a care. I know sometimes you feel like you will burst, but honestly - a warm hand is a wonderful companion on a cold night."

"Elladan!" Elrohir cried, instantly colouring up.

"Oh, yes, look embarrassed!" Estel seethed, swatting at Elladan's hand that was reaching for his shoulder. "After all, I'm just a child who shouldn't know about such things, aren't I? I will be eighteen years old next spring! When are you going to start treating me like a man!"

He didn't have time to recoil or consider what was happening before Elrohir had rose from his chair and smacked him sharply across the face. Elladan he might have expected it from, but neither twin had ever raised a hand to him.

"Elrohir..." Elladan stared at his brother then at Estel. "My brother, calm yourself."

"No, he has had it easy for too long!" Elrohir snapped. "We've spoiled him, and I am not being repaid for my kindness with mockery! Estel, we will treat you like man when you stop acting like a boy. When you stop being stubborn and defiant and trying to prove something, when you start taking responsibility for your mistakes, and when you can show us that we can trust you. We will gladly give your our respect when you have earned it. Until then, do not expect too much."

Estel glared at him, fury building inside him but it only crashed in a wave of sorrow. Elrohir had seldom ever shouted at him, and the words hurt more than the slap did. What was wrong to put Elrohir in such a state? It could not just be because of him, surely! Elrohir had seemed troubled of late, he had noticed, and he should have been there to help him, rather than adding to it.

"Elrohir, forgive me, I am so very sorry," he said softly and embraced him, holding back his tears when Elrohir did not immediately return the hug. He felt like he had been set a test, and he had failed it dismally. The rebellion suddenly did not feel so good.

"I know you are sorry," Elrohir whispered, holding him tighter than he needed to and Estel could feel that he was trembling. "But never do anything like that again, Estel! And never sneak off without telling us, it just isn't safe! Promise me!"

As usual, he did not know what was going on, or why Elrohir seemed so scared, but no amount of disobedience was worth his brother's anguish. "I promise," he sniffled, and he meant it. Something inside his heart told him that he should trust in the twins' protection while he still had it.


	22. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

"Sixteen years ago, a small boy came into our household, afraid and alone," Elrohir said as he waited on horseback for Estel to say his goodbyes to his mother. "Now a brave man is leaving here."

"But not alone," Elladan said from beside him. "His journey with us is not over yet, and I am glad of that."

Elrohir smiled as Estel rode up to them, though he felt tears in his eyes. Their little brother had become a man, at least in human terms. Eighteen years of age still seemed so young to Elrohir, but Estel was ready. He had grown in body, mind and spirit, and had matured beyond his years. The child had left them so quickly, and the adolescent had been almost unbearable at times, but the man that had crept up on them over the past year was beautiful, in every sense of the word. Elrohir could not have been more proud of him.

The three stood at the gate upon their horses with packs slung across their backs. This was not a short trip into the wild, they were leaving for quite some time. Many dangerous journeys were ahead of them, but Estel was prepared to face the worst. He could hunt, and scout; he could fight with stealth and speed. He was certainly a match for any orc who crossed him.

"Well, then, young man," Elladan said to Estel. "Are you ready to see the world?"

"I am." Estel nodded, looking directly ahead on to the path with misty eyes and more determination in his voice than what showed in his body. Nobody expected him not to be upset at leaving Imladris and his mother, but he was forcing himself to be brave. "I am more than ready."

"Then we shall depart," Elladan said, smiling at Elrohir from behind Estel. "Let us ride out together."

Elrohir lingered a moment as Elladan rode ahead with Estel following close behind. He looked back to his father and Gilraen and nodded to them both. No harm would could to Estel while he was there.

It felt like he had been dreading this day forever, and now it had finally come, he was glad. Estel had so much to overcome, but he was taking his first footsteps onto the path of his future. That path would surely have many twists and turns, some good, some bad, but he could conquer all so long as he was ever patient and gracious. He was standing on his own two feet now, but they were behind him, should he falter. One day he would truly be alone, but that day could wait.

None of them knew for how long they would be gone, or what would befall them on their travels. There was only one thing that Elrohir knew, and that was the certainty that Estel would not ever return to Imladris, but Aragorn of the Dúnedain would.

**_THE END_**

_A.N. Well, not quite the end, just the end for this chapter o__f Estel's life. As I've said before, there will be a short series called "False Hope" which will tell of some of the things Estel does during his time away from Rivendell, and his return, but that will not be coming for a while as I have other writings to finish first. But keep an eye out for it in the future :)_


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